When I can’t sleep I write in my head and toss and turn. Sometimes I’ll doze off and others I’m forced to wake up to get the blasted words out of my head.
Lately I feel desperate for attention. I’m distracted by the need to know that I matter to people, but if I’m truthful, mostly from Him. I’m filling my days with work, friends and gym, but my heart aches to feel like I do when I am wrapped tightly in His arms. Two months apart and staring the barrel of one more... it seems endless. I often joke about how He doesn’t volunteer how He feels about me, but He never denies it. What I mean by that, is flowery words aren’t flowing freely from His fingertips, though He always tells me that I am loved. I’ve said this pretty often, but today I realized something.... He wrote our contract. The beautiful words that bind us. The words that have made me weep as I read them in a trembling voice before he clasped the collar around my neck. His words... even though I don’t hear them every day, it doesn’t mean He doesn’t feel them as I do. He has always been very careful with His words, so I know He means if when He says something
I’m a girl though. And I crave the romance and affection that we share when we are together. I don’t need gifts or grand gestures.... but sentiment makes my heart sing. Long distance is tough and I can become a bit of a handful the longer the separation. I know these separations are not permanent and we have forever waiting for us. I just wish we could start that sooner than later.