My blogs are often love letters to my Master... and this will definitely be the case for this particular one...
Our relationship is not easy. We were not looking for this, but what we found was so deep and profound, that neither one of us could deny it. We were apart for 15 years, surely all water under the bridge, we could be friends. It wasn't true.... i knew early on that i would fall hard for Him. He's my weakness... i avoided reconnecting with Him for many years because i knew i would love Him again, but i doubted it would be reciprocated. After we ended things years ago i tried my best to continue on in the lifestyle. I dated/courted/played with others... but while i had fun, no one was Him. He's the other half of my soul. I walked away from the lifestyle. I filled my life with selfless acts. I threw myself into animal rescue and have personally been involved in saving the lives of 1000's of animals. I started getting active in hunger and food waste issues. Helping those who needed help. I hired special needs employees, women in sober living and transitional incarceration. Anything to give, give, give.... I'm somewhat well known in most of these circles (especially animal rescue) and i'm also known for rarely saying NO. I was empty, having given of myself so much, i was just a shell of a person. He changed that.... He refills my spirit just by loving me. No matter how many walls i hit, just a few moments of His attention and care will recharge me. It's such a rare quality to find in anyone, much less in your partner.
So as i've shared in other blogs and my profile, we reconnected, He reclaimed me as His... but today marks another important day to me. Today was the day He told me that He loved me for the first time (again). It's just 3 words, but since He chooses His words so carefully, i know He means them. Want to hear the bad thing though? I was so shocked that i had a really shitty reaction to it. We will leave it at that... because He knows and has forgiven me.... but i was a huge jerk. I just couldn't believe that it was possible that He loved me again. It still feels like a dream.... and if it is, please don't wake me up.
