I’ve been writing this blog in my head for awhile. This is about the obsession with the collar itself. The adornment. The jewelry.
Being collared is about the commitment between 2 parties. Be it protection, training, consideration or permanent there is an agreement and commitment. Often a piece of jewelry is presented as a physical reminder of this commitment. A touchstone. Being collared is not about the jewelry!
i spent time in a couple of FB groups. You have separate the wheat from the chaff. I do enjoy some of the subjects and I definitely enjoy making new friends & chatting. I am concerned with the views about being collared. If you ask these “subs” what it means to be collared they mention the fact that they will receive a piece of jewelry to wear. Or as one woman replied “He bought me a collar. He spent $125 for it”. I asked her beyond THAT and she says that it meant that “No other Doms can have me”. I laughed and asked her if loaning her out was in her hard limits. She said she didn’t think of that. They’ve been involved for 3 months and she does not trust him at all. I’ve had lengthy conversations with her and she just can’t or won’t trust this man that she’s pledged to serve without question.
Another discussion is not being able to wear their collar because of work. I was shocked to see people suggest that she should leave her job and find another. Not petition for a more vanilla day collar or have permission to remove it during the work day. The commitment doesn’t change if you aren’t wearing an obvious collar or anything at all. I cannot imagine any responsible Dominant telling someone to quit a job over jewelry.
Maybe I'm getting old or I’m just old fashioned. I no longer need to “freak out the vanillas” as my friends and I used to say as we traipsed into the convenience stores in our fetish wear on the way to the dungeon on Saturday night. Truthfully nowadays you can see more or worse in the middle of the work day in a Tuesday. I kinda like that. Collars and chokers are almost as commonplace as a fashion sense as high heels. I love my collars. I have several. The one He clasped around my neck on our collaring night is very significant to me. It’s simple and beautiful ... black leather with a silver D ring. It’s built for real play and guaranteed by the wonderful folks at Barking Leather for life. I keep it close. I sleep in it and if I’m choosing it’s the collar I pick for play. I have another play collar we had custom made and designed together and 2 pretty day collars. I choose what I wear in the appropriate situation.... He doesn’t worry about the adornment, because I carry our commitment wrapped around me always.
I own one more. It’s the day collar choker that He gifted me during our first commitment 17 years ago. It was expensive and I wore it with pride knowing I was His. When things ended He did not ask for the return of my collars. I was angry. I threw my play collar in the trash. I was about to do the same to my sterling silver collar when my sister asked me if she could have it. I agreed, with the caveat that I would never see it again. She promised and I never did. Last year before we recommitted ourselves He asked what I had done with it. It took some time to remember, but something told me to ask my sister. So I texted her and asked if she remembered it and what i did with it. About 5 minutes passed when a picture came through and sure enough there it was. Completely tarnished. I drove 2 hours the following day to retrieve it. Spent hours polishing it... but when I wrapped it around my neck... I didn’t feel the connection. I had a sense memory of the night he gifted it to me and how over dinner He stopped mid conversation as I was laughing to tell me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. I was again wearing it at His request but it didn’t feel as important to me as it once did. I wore it to please Him but one day I asked if I could petition for a new day collar. We spoke at length about it and He did agree that it was time. I tell you all of this to say.... I TOTALLY get the attachment to the jewelry.... but I don’t need any adornment to prove that I am, and will always be.... His.