Secure in my submission and how I am in our dynamic, acquiescing comes easily for me. Until lately.....
My day to day life is pretty controlled. I know what I need to do and do it. My M/s dynamic is pretty simple to understand and my parameters are clearly laid out. My Master does not micromanage, it's never been necessary. Lately I've been on quite an insomnia bender. I don't think there is any particular factors other than stress that has caused this issue. So as my late night Cage friends know, I'm online at crazy late hours. It's starting to take a toll on me, though I always say that I'm fine, it's obviously not true. Master has noticed and waited to see if I would resolve this myself, and of course I have not. Our week together was amazing. I slept like a baby the entire time, but once returning home, I was back to being wide awake at all hours.
Master has given me a bedtime and restricted my afternoon naps to only an hour. I'm complying, but I've been difficult. It feels strange to have this part of my life under any control. Why do I struggle so much with this? I've been argumentative and snotty, which is not my normal behavior when I'm given a command. When we are in the same place, I don't even hesitate to do anything he commands. Argggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! This is so frustrating!
All in all, I know he's right. I'm not processing stress correctly and it's affecting everything, including our relationship. I told him yesterday that I knew that I should apologize for being so difficult, but I wasn't ready to do so yet. He knows me and understands. He knows my heart is in the right place and that I'm going to do as he says.... but my brain and my stubborn will just has to catch up. I'll get there eventually... but I might not ever admit he's right! LOL
