The Story of Us

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} - Yesssss to ALL this! Thank you for sharing 🌸

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} - The irony is my experience (and fully aware this is truly MY experience) is that the best Dom I’ve ever encountered and has been the truest to what I think is a Dom is my KB (who I’ve mentioned before) we met here a year ago when we both started down this path. If it wasn’t for him I’d have said this lifestyle was all a crock of shit and buggered off because every other Dom with all their years of experience haven’t been half the Dom he is and have left me jaded and cynical and at times broken. So while he’s not the norm and I get that, I wouldn’t rule out every newbie who finds their way here and who hasn’t necessarily gone down the old school route.

dollMaker​(dom male) - All great points, but, 'Tradition had a Dominant train under a respected and experienced Dominant, most were not permitted to put toy to the skin of another until they felt it themselves.' This has never been a universal truth, tradition or found much outside Gay Leather communities and then not universally within those communities. The history of straight bdsm is more nebulous, but again not that common a thing there either, as far as my research has shown. I assume 'old guard leather' being sited, which in and of itself didn't really exist as some state these days. Guy Baldwin and others who were active back then have shed much light on the myths of the 'old guard'. No universal practice from city to city, state to state, so not the monolithic bastion of bdsm/leather tradition universality some put forward. In reality from Leather Bar to Leather Bar, motorcycle club, community much diversity of approach, guides from many to few and in some cases shockingly fake it till you make and have at it was more the norm. In more recent times, new guard there has been an attempt to create some universalities and the early internet and easier means of communication allowed more commonalities to exist, but still diversity of approach too.

I do feel that every dom should try their toys on themselves, maybe even experience them in the hands of another, and absolutely attend educational events on the tools they want/feel lead to use, but the whole must submit to understand submission is a flawed argument. Submission is about headspace, the mental and while a dom can experience sensation, know how something feels on their body, the headspace can't be understood, unless they are a switch. At one time among Gay Leather, the existence of Switches was refuted, the main attitude was these are confused people. Where have we heard that before.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} - My concern is people becoming leaders within “this” community with little to no experience. I don’t claim to have all the answers, nor would I ever... but I’ve seen people under “protection” or being mentored by someone with literally no experience besides what they can glean from the tiny amount of research , porn or learning the right words to say hanging around here. I don’t like it and without calling people out, I will keep posting things that will at least make people stop and think before putting someone on a pedestal. Elaborating off of what you said... headspace isn’t something to be fucked with by a novice. There are so many things that could mentally (or physically) damage someone. Ignoring consent, safe words, limits, aftercare. Everyone has to start somewhere but starting as if they know everything is not that place.

dollMaker​(dom male) - I agree 100%