On my walk today (walk because its too hot for me to run at noon) the song below came on. Actually quite a few P!nk songs were on the playlist today, but this one really resonated with me. Definitely made me wonder/ think that's for sure. At least I'm slowly feeling more like myself in this body of mine, but how does one really overcome hating their body since they were 13?
I know the exact day and time that I realized that I'm on borrowed time in this shell...snowmen with protective rubber skin (They Might be Giants should be credited for part of that). Somehow I twisted it and only saw the loss and hinderances and never saw the awesomeness of what it could and does endure. How strong and ,in its own twisted way, resilient it can be is still sometimes forgotten. Every day I try to remember to give gratitude and be gracious towards it...it did bring life into this world after all.
Yet, I am cautious to be too hopeful...afraid to be happy to some degree...because there is always the other side lurking behind the shadows of thought. Rose colored glasses I do not wear, but that doesn't mean I can't be "happy" that I can't feel, which is all very much my headspace right now. Do I purposely sabotage things; physical and emotional? Things to ponder.... Logic vs. Emotion who will win?
So yes this song has sparked the beginning of a heady marathon for me. At least I've gotten off the start line though...see I can be quasi positive :-)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ_Fg6z2HSI