Mind is just blown. This morning we reserved the truck. It is a Dodge Ram. I have wanted this truck since I was a child.
The 1st truck I ever had was a ranger, and something was off with the financing and the payment was like $600 a month. I wasn't making good money back then so it got repossessed..
The 2nd time I tried to own a truck was when I ended up in the car accident. It was a Dodge Ram it wasnt the color that I wanted, 2wheel drive. But it was still mine...
Then the car accident happened and I was on disability and couldn't afford it-- so I turned that truck back into the dealership .
This is the 3rd go in a lifelong dream... This truck will be paid off in full and it has all of the bells and whistles. She is PRETTY...
This has been such a long uphill battle. It's like I can't get my head around this massive accomplishment. I have wanted this for years and every time I achieved it something would happen and it would slip through my fingers.
I'm at that place again where I am asking myself--- am I just setting myself up for this massive trauma to happen. Because I can't handle the thought of having another TBI.
So many thoughts are going through my mind this morning...
I reached out last yesterday and started talking to the college were I will almost likely go for my doctorate program. Doctor . PhD. With a nice truck.
It's a lifetime of dreams that I cannot tell you how many years felt like it would never be possible. Like I just wasn't the one. You know?
I wasn't the one that had the high education, I wasn't the one that had the nice truck, I wasn't the one that owned the house.
I wasn't the one.
Because THOSE people are special in some way that I will never be
Coming to terms with all of this history --- as well as the ghosts in my head is deeply overwhelming.
Thanks for listening guys-----
