I think I wanted to take a minute and talk about how couples deal with stress including couples in a dynamic. What has happened here is November 8th we saw water on the floor. Turns out we have a leak under the house that has turned into a major problem. As in thousands in damage- plumming- floors- mold. Our insurance company is saying that we are committing fraud and refusing to pay despite having had an appraisal completed within the last 30 days. And 2 plummers on record.
We have spent the last 2 weeks in a hotel. We are lucky enough in the hotel to have a disabled room. I'm disabled and my beloved is disabled. A couple of times a day we come back from the hotel to the house to take care of the dogs. We have to lug water back-and-forth because we have the water shut off at the house. This is intensely rough. In our house we have a specialized shower and bathroom for our mobility issues and in the hotel although they try really hard, it takes a lot out of either of us to take a shower .
At some point My beloved got an obsess and needed to have an emergency tooth removed. And it was her birthday.
The team at work is transitioning to go back into the field, that started on the 21st of November. However I negotiated a remote only position. So a lots of tension and animosity in the team. Just rough.
In school we're in a group project which I hate more than anything in the whole world. It's a 20 page paper and the 1st person turned in 3 pages and the 2nd person turned in 2 pages. I'm supposed to somehow write the rest of it. So it's been very rough having phone meetings about them getting their shit together. This is my grade to.
This has been the last two weeks.
My beloved talked to the plummer and they will be doing a patch job on Monday or Tuesday to get us through. This means at least we can come home and figure things out from there.
This is where our relationsdip is at its strongest. All of this time we haven't snapped at each other, we haven't taken our pain and our hurt and our fear out on each other.
We do these things called mental health check ins. Where either of us can say OK give me a mental health check in And the other person takes the lead and says "this is where I am at". Mental health check ins have been amazing for us.
The other thing is we take turns falling apart. We have no idea what all of this means financially, and the fear is through the roof. But we don't take it out on each other. We just talk each other through it. Like this morning I was in so much pain so she took over the dogs. And then now I'm at home with the dogs so that she can rest.
I am fully aware that as the Master in the relationship I could simply tell her to do all of these things. I have that power. My beloved will find it in her and do as sge is told.
I have seen this in dynamics before. It disgusted me then as much as now.
These times of great stress the one thing that we go back to as a couple when either of us is struggling is "we do this together." We say this to each other and we reach for each other.
It isn't that I don't have the power. It is that I choose to use my power to uplift us both.
It is during these times of incredible stress and pain and fear that we find out who we are as individuals and as partners.
Can we trust each other ---can we lean on each other--- can we fall and be caught in loving arms.
We return home Monday or Tuesday. And then pick this up as another saga next week. As I start to fight the insurance companies accusation of fraud.
However the only reason that I have made it this far - this good-- is because we fight---
Together ❤️
