2 weeks ago. Sun 04 Aug 2019 04:04:29 PM IDT
** Note: this was written by @theRedLife on Fet a Male Dom**
This was my VERY first post when I joined here almost a year ago... I feel it is necessary to REPOST as it is not only a terrific read, but an important one. Anything in this colour font (blue), are my words.
This lifestyle is an amazing one that can give you so much more than you can ever imagine. But it all depends on how you approach it, and if you can find a way to sort through the fantasies vs realities.
There's nothing wrong with fantasy. Many of us start off simply exploring some sort of fantasy, and that's fine. For many, it remains a fantasy... a sort of role playing game that is used to "spice up" the bedroom. Again, that's fine too.
However, if this is just a fantasy role playing game, you can stop here and move on to another post. Seriously, if you are role playing, then the realities don't apply. No more than the rules of a doctor / patient relationship would apply in a doctor / patient role playing situation. I mean, the doctor is not going to fuck the patient while prescribing a shot of cum as the treatment. So in that situation, realities of the roles are meaningless.
Now, if this is real to you, there are some realities you need to be aware of. Some items are universal, despite the role you identify as. Some are more specific to the roles. And these realities can make or break your experience in this lifestyle.
Reality # 1
Everyone involved in this are human. Yes, even the kinkiest bastard you know is still human. As a human, they will make mistakes, they will need love and they deserve some level of respect. The role doesn't matter... even the "lowliest" of slaves still require respect, and they should get it as should EVERYONE.
Reality # 2
All power resides at the bottom. Dom/mes/Masters... you need to understand that you do not own the power... the sub/slave owns that. They are merely allowing you to borrow that power. As such, there should be a level of respect and value placed with that sub/slave if you want to keep control over that power. At any time, no matter the level of surrender they have offered, they can decide to take back that power and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it. So you better work your ass off to ensure you are worthy of the power you are entrusted with.
Reality # 3
All power resides at the bottom. Yes, I am repeating myself... Subs/slaves... You own your power. It is by choice that you offer it to the top side so that you can enjoy the exchange of power and feel fulfilled. But if you are in a situation or relationship where that power is being abused or mistreated, you have every right to take that power back. And no, you don't have to wait for your top type to "release" you... Actual slavery was abolished long ago, so your slavery is completely voluntary. You can end it without the Master's say so.
Reality # 4
Trust fucking matters. I may not need to say this, but subs/slaves often times literally trust their lives to the Dom/me / Master. Some of the shit we participate in could easily end someone's life, or at least alter it in an unpleasant way. Alternately, when Dom/mes / Masters do some of the things we do to the bottom type, there has to be trust that the bottom is providing honest feedback so we don't go too far, or worse, that the bottom type doesn't take the residual marks down to the police station and press charges. So there has to be a level of trust on all sides... So do everything within your power to build trust.
Reality # 5
Without honesty, trust is not possible. Think about that... if you are not being honest with someone, how can they trust you. But that extends well beyond just that relationship. For example... are you married but hiding your kink relationships? I am not judging, but keep in mind that the ones you are involved in know that you are lying to someone. Its not a far stretch to begin to wonder if you are lying to them too. So in all you do, be as honest as possible with everyone you deal with... including yourself. NO better words have been said.
Reality # 6
This is not a drive thru menu. You did not just pull up to the Kink Drive Thru Restaurant in your old beater to place an order for a #4 combo meal. Posting ads like "hey, looking for some hot chick to choke on my cock tonight - NSA" while having no information on your own profile is generally not going to work out for you. The same would apply to generic, unsolicited emails telling the recipient what they will or will not do for you. Not if you want something real. (Again, if this is a fantasy, you should have stopped reading some time ago.)
Reality # 7
YKINMK (your kink is not my kink) - basically, you don't have to like, agree with or even understand someone else's kink. But don't judge them for it. Find the person/people that share the same desires, and as long as you have the other realities covered, enjoy! But remember, hard limits are hard limits, so don't violate that - even if you are the Master to a slave that has sworn absolute service to you. If you know its a limit, don't fucking go there... its the fastest way to lose that devoted person.
Reality # 8
There is no OTW - One True Way
Everyone will have their thoughts on protocols, labels, roles, etc. What works for you may not work for others, and what works for others may not work for you. Even in this post, there is no OTW. Yes, there are some realities you need to understand, but you can also be role playing. There's always an exception.
So people, remember, this is NOT a game.... we are all humans, regardless of our 'kink'! We have feelings, we make mistakes, it's how you address those feelings and your mistakes that shows your character (my next post will be exactly on that..... "Character")