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MY Submissive Journey

Shares, rants, stories, experiences from me (or others)
1 day ago. Thu 22 Aug 2019 01:31:46 AM IDT

Life is so hard... We love, we get hurt, we win, we loose... That's life! This is my pity party... Don't come if you don't want!


This year, I had my first ever M/s relationship, I put all I had in it and realized, it wasn't for me.


Then, I fell for a good friend when I last expected to do so! I still and always will love him, my Max.


Then I had to lay my child (to me) Halle to rest (life will never be the same without her)


Then, my Man, fell ill, fighting the news and the mere fact of that reality was and still is so hard, but I still stand by him.


Then, my very close girlfriend, died suddenly, tragically last week. I was at the funeral yesterday.


I got soooo caught up with my negatives, I stopped seeing the positives.


Then it hit me, a few days ago... I have sooooo much to be thankful for! Never forget that in which we should be truly thankful for.


I am sooooo thankful for my friends, an upcoming holiday, and taking each day as a blessing, and also feel blessed for those who reached out and showed true character to me. So, Thank You!


Again,  Love, loss, life... it's hard.. it sucks...but it is what it is....









1 week ago. Tue 13 Aug 2019 05:45:58 AM IDT

Tammy? OH, I so get it now... 



For my Max.. Always My Max



I WILL stand by you through this and be Your support, Your friend, Your shoulder, Your ear, Your Everything you need... Your Girl

 Because You're my Everything

1 week ago. Sun 11 Aug 2019 12:00:29 AM IDT



2 weeks ago. Mon 05 Aug 2019 05:01:00 AM IDT

Lately it has sickened my stomach and breaks my heart all this "shaming" on a sight for 'supposed' kinksters ('kink' was purposely left out for for now)


I blog sexy shit, but that may not be YOUR kink!


This may be MY liking....

And this may be YOUR liking...

Because 'I' may resonate with ONE... Does NOT make either any less BEAUTIFUL than the other!


KINK shaming is SHAMING someone(s) for THEIR KINK PUBLICLY. or Outwardly.. NOT a PRIVATE message stating "I have an issue with your Kink, but it is MY issue" that is called expressing one's opinion, NOT KINK SHAMING!!


Sometimes people reach out for education, sometimes to get answers to their own questions, sometimes to just be honest about a struggle they have about a certain 'kink', and if done privately it is NOT KINK SHAMING unless they down right say "what you do is disgusting". Then you report (with screen shots), block and ignore! 


Yes, the squeaky wheel usually gets the grease/oil.... But fuck, this is all I want OIL for...

And YOU, maybe???


So, let's maybe try a different kind of blogging like.. 'someone reached out and said to me..  I always thought this about XYZ.. I see it differently...Tell me more' Then get others opinion - THAT KIND OF BLOGGING!!! No finger pointing, getting GOOD feedback, different opinions etc. about different KINK!


We are all here to learn and educate right?? Let's start acting that way!


Think about it!


2 weeks ago. Sun 04 Aug 2019 04:04:29 PM IDT

 ** Note: this was written by @theRedLife on Fet a Male Dom**

This was my VERY first post when I joined here almost a year ago... I feel it is necessary to REPOST as it is not only a terrific read, but an important one. Anything in this colour font (blue), are my words.


This lifestyle is an amazing one that can give you so much more than you can ever imagine. But it all depends on how you approach it, and if you can find a way to sort through the fantasies vs realities.


There's nothing wrong with fantasy. Many of us start off simply exploring some sort of fantasy, and that's fine. For many, it remains a fantasy... a sort of role playing game that is used to "spice up" the bedroom. Again, that's fine too.


However, if this is just a fantasy role playing game, you can stop here and move on to another post. Seriously, if you are role playing, then the realities don't apply. No more than the rules of a doctor / patient relationship would apply in a doctor / patient role playing situation. I mean, the doctor is not going to fuck the patient while prescribing a shot of cum as the treatment. So in that situation, realities of the roles are meaningless.


Now, if this is real to you, there are some realities you need to be aware of. Some items are universal, despite the role you identify as. Some are more specific to the roles. And these realities can make or break your experience in this lifestyle.


Reality # 1
Everyone involved in this are human. Yes, even the kinkiest bastard you know is still human. As a human, they will make mistakes, they will need love and they deserve some level of respect. The role doesn't matter... even the "lowliest" of slaves still require respect, and they should get it as should EVERYONE.

Reality # 2
All power resides at the bottom. Dom/mes/Masters... you need to understand that you do not own the power... the sub/slave owns that. They are merely allowing you to borrow that power. As such, there should be a level of respect and value placed with that sub/slave if you want to keep control over that power. At any time, no matter the level of surrender they have offered, they can decide to take back that power and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it. So you better work your ass off to ensure you are worthy of the power you are entrusted with.

Reality # 3
All power resides at the bottom. Yes, I am repeating myself... Subs/slaves... You own your power. It is by choice that you offer it to the top side so that you can enjoy the exchange of power and feel fulfilled. But if you are in a situation or relationship where that power is being abused or mistreated, you have every right to take that power back. And no, you don't have to wait for your top type to "release" you... Actual slavery was abolished long ago, so your slavery is completely voluntary. You can end it without the Master's say so.

Reality # 4
Trust fucking matters. I may not need to say this, but subs/slaves often times literally trust their lives to the Dom/me / Master. Some of the shit we participate in could easily end someone's life, or at least alter it in an unpleasant way. Alternately, when Dom/mes / Masters do some of the things we do to the bottom type, there has to be trust that the bottom is providing honest feedback so we don't go too far, or worse, that the bottom type doesn't take the residual marks down to the police station and press charges. So there has to be a level of trust on all sides... So do everything within your power to build trust.

Reality # 5
Without honesty, trust is not possible. Think about that... if you are not being honest with someone, how can they trust you. But that extends well beyond just that relationship. For example... are you married but hiding your kink relationships? I am not judging, but keep in mind that the ones you are involved in know that you are lying to someone. Its not a far stretch to begin to wonder if you are lying to them too. So in all you do, be as honest as possible with everyone you deal with... including yourself. NO better words have been said.

Reality # 6
This is not a drive thru menu. You did not just pull up to the Kink Drive Thru Restaurant in your old beater to place an order for a #4 combo meal. Posting ads like "hey, looking for some hot chick to choke on my cock tonight - NSA" while having no information on your own profile is generally not going to work out for you. The same would apply to generic, unsolicited emails telling the recipient what they will or will not do for you. Not if you want something real. (Again, if this is a fantasy, you should have stopped reading some time ago.)

Reality # 7
YKINMK (your kink is not my kink) - basically, you don't have to like, agree with or even understand someone else's kink. But don't judge them for it. Find the person/people that share the same desires, and as long as you have the other realities covered, enjoy! But remember, hard limits are hard limits, so don't violate that - even if you are the Master to a slave that has sworn absolute service to you. If you know its a limit, don't fucking go there... its the fastest way to lose that devoted person. 

Reality # 8
There is no OTW - One True Way
Everyone will have their thoughts on protocols, labels, roles, etc. What works for you may not work for others, and what works for others may not work for you. Even in this post, there is no OTW. Yes, there are some realities you need to understand, but you can also be role playing. There's always an exception.


So people, remember, this is NOT a game.... we are all humans, regardless of our 'kink'! We have feelings, we make mistakes, it's how you address those feelings and your mistakes that shows your character (my next post will be exactly on that..... "Character")




3 weeks ago. Fri 02 Aug 2019 03:16:48 AM IDT

And for my Max... Who LOVES Shibari.. the colour purple AND going shooting:


So Get 'Shibari' wit it....Toot Toot... Hehehe 😈 




3 weeks ago. Thu 01 Aug 2019 07:24:48 PM IDT

I see so often on here things about Karma, and I know it is widely believed she, Karma, is a BITCH.... but again, that's Your opinion. To me, Karma is a collector/balancer, NOT a bitch. I believe that people's actions are cued.... the more GOOD things you do, it gets tallied up, just like the BAD things you do. Now, this doesn't mean in just THIS LIFE.... I am a true believer in past lives and that we bring with us our past experiences into our next lives.


Have you ever met someone that is just a wonderful person.... everything about them exudes warmth, love, sincerity, integrity (yes my favourite word as of late)? But that person just seems to have the WORST luck? No breaks, just down right bad things happen to them. I have, and it's mind boggling. Because I have also met the opposite to that spectrum, the horrible person... everything about them exudes dishonesty, cruelty, deceitfulness, and just lack of ANY morals at all. And those people seem to just skim through life, have it so easy, it's like lady luck is always on their side. It just isn't fair is it? OR is it?


Maybe that "wonderful" person was a horrible person in their past life and have a DEBT to pay to Karma.... to EVEN the scales.... maybe the "horrible" person was a wonderful person in their past life and the CREDIT is being paid now.... either way, our actions are NEVER not seen, nor are they forgotten! To me, this is why I live my life the way I do. It is so simple:


Always be kind to others

Always be true (to yourself and others)

Always be supportive

Never EVER judge (in this lifestyle OR vanilla)

Never EVER be cruel

Never, EVER, EVER Lie 


Pretty simple right? Well to me it is, it's naturally who I am. Yet, I have had my fair share of "shit" handed to me.... actually not handed, it's come in truck loads... all my life. If it weren't for BAD luck, I wouldn't have any luck. Does this mean I was a horrible person in my past life? Maybe. BUT, I don't give up.... sure I get sad, I feel sorry for myself, sometimes I run because I just want to hide. However, in the end I always stand tall and say "OK - this SUCKS, but there's a reason for everything and even in "this moment" it feels too heavy a burden to carry, I do know I will get through it. And no matter how many "truck loads of shit" come to me, I still remain a good person, always.


So, always be kind, be sincere and do good things, genuine good things.... life is WAYYYYY toooooo SHORT!!!  Speaking of that. I will not get into details of my Max. All I will say is that he is not well and his priority right now is his family and health (which is exactly what he needs to do). I do not know if he will come back to the site or not, but he will always have my love and support.... and I wish him good health and positive thoughts through this time.


Be well all, especially my Max 




3 weeks ago. Wed 31 Jul 2019 05:19:35 AM IDT

I have met so many wonderful people on here.... Today I was told I was "too nice". Really? How is that even possible? How can one be too nice?


I feel fortunate in the ones I have met, some have come to truly be my bestest friends. Others, well they say one thing and then play their hand differently on here.


It breaks my heart, I see it ALL the time! Why can't people just be genuine, honest and "SAY what they mean, and MEAN what they say"?


It's easy to hide behind a 'nik', computer screen, etc. However, I take pride in knowing I CAN honestly sleep at night because I am EXACTLY who I am ALWAYS... Truthful, Caring and FIERCELY loyal!


If I fuck up? I admit it! I don't BAD mouth anyone... And contrary to what people MAY think? I don't play sides either! If you have truly done wrong to someone? I will blast you for it. If that wrong is YOUR opinion, then I say, that's your opinion! END OF STORY! Unless you want to hear my side, and it usually falls on deaf ears... AGAIN.. YOUR opinion. I also do not hold grudges.. we all go through tough times and make mistakes, or get caught up in our world.. it is how we truly come out in the end that matters.


So, as of late, I have had some REAL support, from some REAL friends who have truly supported me and it has meant the world to me... and I thank them every day for their kindness, their support and the people they TRULY Are.  Words cannot express my gratitude BUT actions always speak louder than words!


While on my rant, another pet peeve of mine is something I have never fucking done, which people here do ALL the time:


Block you by Association

Block you for NO reason


I can honestly say I have NEVER  blocked anyone for NO reason...I either block to protect me in a time of hurt, or the person was even a bigger ass/hypocrite/liar than let on..... GO look to see if I have blocked you... I bet you would be surprised!! 


Anyway, I am done with the "I'm their friend, so can't be YOUR friend" or " I play BEHIND the scenes as your friend". Grow the fuck up people!!! Life is toooooo fucking short for shit like that!


There's LOTS of blogs here about living a life of INTEGRITY!

It boggles my mind.. Do the majority here not truly know what the meaning of INTEGRITY is? Let me help you......


in·teg·ri·ty  /inˈteɡrədē/

the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
"he is known to be a man of integrity"

honesty, uprightness, probity, rectitude, honor, honorableness, upstandingness, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, nobility, high-mindedness, right-mindedness, noble-mindedness, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness


There you have it...


And to my REAL friends who have truly been there as of late (you know who you are) I thank you NOT from the "bottom" of my heart... Because there is NO bottom, I Thank you with ALL my heart!! 


Be TRUE to not only those in your life, BUT to YOU!!! 






3 weeks ago. Mon 29 Jul 2019 01:23:23 AM IDT

With You I feel....

Whole, I feel complete; loving my place as i kneel at Your feet


Without You I feel...

Empty, I feel broken; needing Your words that are now unspoken


With You I feel...

I am who I truly need to be; Your submissive, Your babygirl, giving You ALL of me willingly


Without You I feel...

Not who I truly am, walking around wondering if it's come to an end


With You...

Is where I always want to be


Without You...

My heart bleeds continously



For my Max...

Always and Forever





3 weeks ago. Sun 28 Jul 2019 06:10:32 AM IDT

Each day as the evening starts to set

A dreadful ache builds within her chest

She knows she should go to bed

Because she really does need the rest


But when she does, she hugs her pillow ever so close

Thoughts spinning in her mind going round & around

She then begins to cry for those she loves and misses

 She screams so loud, but only within, as outwardly you can't hear a sound


 Others who see & talk to her in the day

Truly think she is doing very well

What they don't know is as the evening sets in

That's when she enters her own horrible hell


Time is not healing her pain

Nor is it quieting her fears

As every night she lays in bed

She sheds and sheds her

Silent Tears



Always for my Max