3 weeks ago. Thu 31 Jan 2019 05:26:41 PM IST
It seems like such a simple question, doesn't it? Yet, I read a lot of posts and feel many of us ask ourselves this question often.
When I look back at my life, I have made it through many hardships, some amazing times, some very dark times and some just down right ugly times. However, although I have (and know many have as well) looked "ugly" right in the face, even when it is my own reflection, I still try to see the beauty behind the ugliness, inlcuding within myself.
There are many posts here on the Cage that speak truths, some dark and some happy, nonetheless, they are our truths.
I feel blessed that I have found such a place where I feel I belong, where I can share and others share the same feelings, thoughts, joys, sadness, fears etc. It is a place that I have come to think of as a home, where I have met some incredible, amazing people, who are now very important in my life. And for all that I am very appreciative.
But none of that answers the question: Who am I???
I am not sure if I will ever know that answer because I seem to change and grow daily. Sometimes it is as scary as hell and I just want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. But, I don't, I get up and say "today is a new day". I fuck up, ALL the time. I make mistakes, I make assumptions and sometimes I not only WAIT for the "shoe to drop", I take it and SLAM it DOWN HARD!!! It's called sabatoging and I am guilty of that too.
Over the past week and more specifically the past few days, I have come to realize that we all have our faults, and mine are plenty, but the difference is a mistake is just that, a mistake! When it is intentional that is NOT a mistake!!!
I will from now on be more mindful of exactly what is "intentional" and what is a genuine "mistake". That too may seem easy, but easier said than done. Sometimes the hardest things in life seem so simple, but it is that word "seem" which the definition is:
give the impression or sensation of being something or having a particular quality.
Because sometimes it "seems" we are not being intentional, however, when you stop, anaylize and think, your very actions and/or words WERE intentional.
So be kind and mindful and self aware. It is hard, I know, but it makes us better people and the world could use a lot more better, kinder, loving and mindful people. I know I want to be one of those people - always!
Sending much love and peace to you all!