The Muse

another song...

I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality
I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still
All that you feel is tranquillity
There is a star in the sky
Guiding my way with its light
And in the glow of the moon
Know my deliverance will come soon
I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality
I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still
All that you feel is tranquillity
There is a sound in the calm
Someone is coming to harm
I press my hands to my ears
It's easier here just to forget fear
And when I squinted
The world seemed rose-tinted
And angels appeared to descend
To my surprise
With half-closed eyes
Things looked even better
Than when they were open
Been waiting for the night to fall
I knew that it would save us all
Now everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality
Been waiting for the night to fall
Now everything is bearable
And here in the still
All that you feel is tranquility

Music and dancing, are two ways the Muse feeds her soul.  I have taken some time over the past week, in light of some tremendous emotional struggles, to reflect on both of these things... They do go hand in hand. 

My dancing, my sexuality, and my emotional presence are all very much intertwined; so the music I listen to, must move me on every level.  That almost sounds like I would be pretty picky, doesn’t it?  I’m really not.... unless I want to dance. I like Metallica but I can’t really dance to them... my kind of dancing, anyway.  I used to thrash around a lot like a little wild woman at concerts, though.

I made a playlist... a little melodramatic playlist... something that perpetuates my melancholy but also helps me grieve.  I don’t know who else on here might be a Depeche Mode fan ... but ... there are several songs by them in this list.  One that is pretty new and the lyrics just floor me... not to mention the song is sung by Martin Gore... who has this panty-soaking voice!

Eternal by Depeche Mode:

Oh little one
I will protect you
And surround you with my love
As well as any man can
As well as any man could
I will be there for you
Always
And when the black cloud rises
And the radiation falls
I will look you in the eye
And kiss you
And give you all my love
As well as any man can
As well as any man could
You are my eternal
Eternal love

Look! We have workshops!!!.... (Naw... but wouldn’t it be awesome?!)

Haven’t eaten today?

That’s okay...

I’ll feed you.

What is it you want?

What is it you need?

You seem indecisive tonight.

Don’t cry.

I’m right here...

Right here.

What are your ground rules?

I need to know.

Are you giving me the “go ahead”?

No, you’re not dreaming.

I’ll try to behave.

Do you want something more comfortable to wear?

I’m right here.

Right here.

You can change right here.

I don’t mind.

It’s up to you.

What is it that you want to do?

You’re beautiful.

Gorgeous.

What’s troubling you?

Let me decide if you deserve this.

Let me decide for you.

Have I gone too far?

What do you want?

Then take me. 

Watch my pleasure on my face. 

You’re thirsty?

Let me get you some water.

You’re hot?

Let me turn on the air conditioner.

Turn around...

I’ll wash your back.

And if I’m going to fall in love with a coffee drinker I might as well learn to make coffee.

You’re beautiful.

Goddess.

I stared at this for awhile trying to decide what to compose here; if I would write anything at all...  I’ve had a few people inquire about me.  I figure I might throw this out there like a little bread crumb.  

I don't share much on the internet, so this is really kind of scary.  I have an online art gallery... I do mild journaling within that site, but I never thought I’d be exposing myself like this.  The ironic thing is that I really enjoy exposing myself! 

With that said... I’ll begin from the beginning.  I think I was interested in bondage at a very young age.  Being bound has always excited me.  All through high school there may have been some playing here and there but nothing serious.  I received my first collar from a guy in school and even though he was not a Dom... I felt a sense of belonging and wore it proudly.

That feeling of belonging is what drives me the most.  When I can say “I belong to you.” Those are the most treasured words to come out of my mouth.  I do not say them lightly.  

I’ve had one relationship with a switch that lasted 2 years... It was one of the best relationships of my life; although he tended to be less dominant than I preferred.  I’ve had another Ds relationship with a very narcissistic Dom... a very bad experience all around that lasted an agonizing 3 years.  I went Vanilla for awhile.  No success there either... always missing that need to belong; the need to surrender to someone I trusted to be in control.  I’ve stayed online to try and fill that need where I feel safe for now.

I’ve had my fill of failed relationships and right now I need to step back and reflect on everything.  I’m not about to even think of becoming a burden to a Dom right now.... So when I say I am not looking and I am not available, it is to your benefit.