This man, this lover... He was such a bard. Probably still is, wherever he may be. His tongue was like silk. I’m not talking about his capabilities in oral satisfaction; I’m talking about his ability to seduce me with his words. He had such an amazing mind. And the way he kissed me... I’ve never been kissed like that by anyone before... or since. When I write erotica, it is his kiss that I use as my “go to” model for kisses.
Anyway! Before I get swept away and distracted by thoughts... I fell helplessly in love. I surrendered all to him and it was ... I really haven’t an adequate vocabulary to describe how amazing it was.
Time passed and I built up the courage to leave my abusive marriage. My husband managed to contact my lover and everything went South from there.
My husband must have manipulated him into believing all kinds of horrible things. The alternative explanation is what hurts the most and is probably the realistic truth. My husband tried to manipulate him, yes. The truth of it was that he just didn’t think it was worth sticking around for.
In my mind at the time, that translated into “I wasn’t worth it.” It still hurts just writing that out. Naturally, I was devastated and this is where my heart shattered into a million little pieces. I was not very graceful about it. I lost my dignity. You could say I went a little bat-shit crazy. I am not proud of my psychosis during that time, but I’ve moved on.
Our last night together, it had been some time since I had seen him. Just having him hold me for a moment, my knees nearly collapsed beneath me. I couldn’t speak, think, eat... the whole night. I don’t know if he was a Dom but he was definitely dominant. I wasn’t really involved in the lifestyle at this point and had no idea what a sub was but I knew I needed him to take over; to have control.
He gave me some of his boxers to change into because initially we were just going to watch movies together. I undressed in front of him (per his suggestion)... and the boxers did not stay on very long. He would have honored my limit... but he also knew what I really wanted. To submit, to him, and to my desire... which were one in the same. Over and over... all night.
He left in the morning and I didn’t hear from him...For weeks.
When I finally did... it was a message... an email that said for me to never talk to him again. No reason given really... just that was it.
I later discovered all the communication between my husband and him and even read the emails back and forth. I really can’t decide if it made things better or worse. It made me want to vomit. At least I had closure.
———-to be continued.... again——-
(I really don’t know how long this story will be! Thanks for reading though!)
