I’m laying here... and honestly, I should be sleeping. But I start thinking about stuff. I haven’t even dented a sentence into my NaNoWriMo word count and it ends tomorrow.
I was thinking a lot about Morley’s blog yesterday; about complete submission. Instantly, a dream I had many moons ago... in a very distant time, came to mind.
Now it is going to sound kind of silly at first because, well...read on:
The setting around me was very similar to what you might find in an episode of the Tele-Tubbies; rich green grass and drab grey sky. I was small. Almost as small as a blade of grass. I climbed up onto a rock and saw a bunny hop by. Then I started to stretch my arms wide and fall forward.
I woke up with this phrase in my mind and I’ll never forget it:
”From this rock, I have learned to fall into the arms of the world.”
Now... what this all has to do with trust, betrayal, and surrender... I’m still pondering this. I’m writing off the cuff here. Thinking... well I can’t say “out loud” ... but I’m thinking visibly.
This led me to the first time I surrendered to something that terrified me because I was tricked.
I think I may have been 5 at the time. The family went to an amusement park and I was hanging out with my dad. There were two lines for the log flume. I was scared and didn’t want to ride it. My dad convinced me that one of the lines was for the “kiddy” log flume.
I had no idea what I was in for until I saw that we were heading up that final drop. This is where the betrayal comes in...
I still can’t decide if I’m angry at my dad about this or grateful. I don’t like deception. But the end result was that I realized it wasn’t so bad and I could ride it without being so afraid. I enjoyed it.
My twisted family even bought the souvenir photo capturing my horror and tears.