1 year ago. Wednesday, January 31, 2024 at 4:22 AM
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
There is a meme that has made its way around the block and I am sure will keep right on going that says “If you lose a shoe at midnight, you are drunk not Cinderella”. This caused me to flashback to my college days when a guy I knew would often head to a party, have too much, and then leave the party to drunkenly wander around. The climax of his sloshed strolls involved returning to the dorms, unsure where he had been, covered in mud, missing a shoe, and definitely not Cinderella or Cinderfella. All of these missing shoe thoughts made me think about how some in the D/S lifestyle mistakenly feel it is or will lead to a fairy tale adventure complete with Prince or Princess Charming to top it all off. I do not want to come off as Negative Ned but I do want to take a couple of minutes to share a few reminders about the lifestyle.
Sadly not every frog kissed on your D/S journey is going to transform itself into a princess or prince. Some even transform into something that seems like royalty at first but over time morph into a life lesson. Lifestyle dating is a challenge and I believe it is important to say positive, learn from the bad frogs along the way, and apply those experiences so one is better prepared for the next round of French kissing froggies.
As fantastic fantasies go, remember that all will not turn out as you imagined/or planned them, and sometimes it is best to keep a fantasy as just that rather than trying to bring it to life. Also, it can be very tempting to want to jump into a fantasy fulfillment fervor with someone new, make sure they are worthy of your intimate desires rather than just being handy when you are horny.
There will be days when your partner is going to do or say things that are going to drive you batty, make you upset, and frustrate the living heck out of you. No relationship is going to be amazing all the time and maintaining the partnership will require dedication and effort, especially on the days when it feels like too much to put that in. Lifestyle relationships are not different than vanilla ones, if you want them to last, you have to put in the work.
Submissives, you will have days when you wake up and do not want to follow your dominant’s lead. I do not mean you are in a place where the relationship transformed into a relationshit with the clock striking time to dump the chump but perhaps your d-type has gone off, done something donkey, and you are upset with them or maybe, it is just one of those times when life is being unfair and unkind which has you in a place where the last thing you feel like doing is what is asked/expected of you. These are the tough moments. But rather than say no I am not going to follow my dominant’s guidance, which is the easy way in these moments, these times require the pulling up of one’s adult undergarments, honoring your commitment to serve, and if there is an instance of donkey dom disease-causing/adding to these troubles make sure that not only are your britches properly prepared for adulting but that you can have a grown-up, civil discussion to address and repair the problem.
Dominants, just like above but the opposite, there will be days when you may not feel like leading because you are miffed with your submissive, life is miffed at you or both. Just like my advice for submissives, put on your big boy/girl pants, lead through the miffedness, and if needed have a rational and calm adult conversation to fix any relationship riddles that are stymying things.
No matter the side of the slash, D/S partnerships will have moments when it is time to put aside the roles and tackle the challenge life has given you as teammates in life rather than dominant and submissive. Sometimes in these moments, the s-type might have to lead as well. When the unexpected and tragic occurs, be a partner first and D/S role second.
I know this is shocking news but we do not live in a place called Kinklandia. We share space in a world of vanilla beans. This means that our daily grind of life will impact how the lifestyle will play out within a relationship. Every D/S partnership will have to balance lifestyle needs and wants with the demands the world puts upon all of us. This will be an ever-changing challenge that is there day in and day out.
No submissive is supreme and no dominant is dazzling all the time. This means both d and s types are flawed humans who will make mistakes, even with the best intentions. Rather than seek a perfect person, seek one that is perfectly imperfect for you.
It is no secret that people change over time which means relationships will evolve with the natural growth of those engaged in it. The trick is to put in the effort to grow together in the partnership while blossoming as individuals at the same time. While growing together is the ultimate goal, sadly this does not always happen, so just like kissing those faux princesses and princes, sometimes people grow apart.
So remember, if you lose your shoe at midnight, call an Uber because you cannot drive and while there is so much to love about the lifestyle as well as many who engage in it, D/S is not a fairy tale which means it is up to each person to design and work for their happily ever after.
1 year ago. Saturday, January 27, 2024 at 11:54 AM
“She talked a lot. Not a lot like annoying a lot, just a lot. She filled our conversations with wondrous insight and perspectives. Interesting thoughts on music and movies, which fashion trends were worthy of discussion, recipes that made my mouth water, places she had visited, and interesting people she had learned from, as well as animal husbandry and interior design, and sexual freedom. Politics never really were in her wheelhouse, too stuffy, nor were the darker bits of the nightly news, too heartbreaking. She was passionate, boisterous, and loud. A staunch advocate of honesty and vulnerability, and proudly championed the idea of happiness being an inside job. She talked a lot, and I hung on every single word.”
Generally speaking, the submissive girl has greater needs. She needs to be touched more. Talked to more. Greater attention needs to be paid to her, especially if there are rules and guidelines outside the bedroom. She needs to know that her actions matter, that the time and effort she’s putting into pleasing you actually please you. You need to check in, touch base, reassure; be diligent with your upkeep, and follow through. If you’re not, if she feels you don’t care, if your directives are empty… the dynamic will die. And if the dynamic dies, the submissive girl is gone.
1 year ago. Wednesday, January 24, 2024 at 12:18 PM
For what it’s worth it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
* Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex by Gloria G. Brame • BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr. Charley Ferrer • Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera • Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison • Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame, and Jon Jacobs • Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams • Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel • Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel • Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera • Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon • SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman • The Control Book by Peter Masters • The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren • The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. • The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. • The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino • This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters • Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker * How to Be a Healthy and Happy Submissive by Kate Kinsey * Domination & Submission by Michael Makai
2 years ago. Saturday, December 2, 2023 at 8:25 AM
We face each other, once again, talking, naked… and your body is open, your skin–all woman, no child– speaks to me, now. Your scars, your greying hair, the flow of your age over muscle and sway and bone… they all tell me stories about you on another level while we drink and whisper and snigger at our lovemaking. It’s this, your peace, your acceptance of the joke the years have played on us, that draws me to you again, and always, slowly this time, less needy. This time, more thoroughly, this time. As if we’re reprising a theme song as the credits roll and roll and roll across the screen in the dark… As if… we lived our lives for this.
2 years ago. Monday, November 13, 2023 at 10:44 AM
Pain is a complex and multifaceted sensation that varies greatly from person to person. In the world of BDSM, the dynamics of pain take on a unique and consensual context. Participants engage in activities that incorporate various degrees of pain to explore pleasure, dominance, and submission. It is important to note, before getting started, that many who are involved in BDSM choose to not incorporate pain into how they practice BDSM. Still, for those who do or are curious, this post delves into how individuals process and tolerate pain in BDSM activities, offering insights and techniques for maximizing pleasure while minimizing any harm.
BDSM practitioners often refer to the concept of "pain processing" as the capacity to experience, interpret, and endure pain within a controlled and consensual environment. Pain processing is a highly individualized experience, influenced by physical, emotional, and psychological factors. Key elements in pain processing include:
Consent and Trust: BDSM activities are built upon trust and clear consent between participants. Establishing boundaries and safe words is crucial to ensuring that all involved parties are comfortable with the level of pain they are experiencing.
Psychological State: An individual's psychological state significantly impacts their pain processing ability. Emotions like fear, anticipation, or arousal can alter pain perception. Some people find that pain intensifies their pleasure, while for others, it may decrease their threshold.
Physical Factors: Physical factors, such as a person's general health, pain tolerance, and individual sensitivities, play a role in pain processing. Pain thresholds can vary widely between individuals.
Techniques and Tools: BDSM practitioners employ various techniques and tools to manipulate and control the intensity of pain, including restraints, impact play, and sensory deprivation. Learning to use these tools safely is essential for maximizing pleasure and minimizing harm.
BDSM activities often involve pushing physical and emotional boundaries, but safety and consent are paramount. Here are some key considerations for pushing boundaries safely:
1. Communication: Open and honest communication is vital. Participants should discuss their desires, limits, and boundaries before engaging in any BDSM activity. A safe word or gesture should be established to indicate when a participant wishes to stop or slow down.
2. Start Slowly: It is crucial to start slowly and, gradually increase the intensity of the activities. This allows participants to acclimate to the sensations and ensures that no one is pushed too far, or too quickly.
3. Educate and Seek Guidance: Participants must educate themselves about BDSM practices and techniques. Seeking guidance from experienced practitioners, attending workshops, or reading educational materials can provide valuable insights.
4. Aftercare: Aftercare is a critical component of BDSM activities. After an intense scene, participants should engage in a process of emotional and physical care, which may include cuddling, reassurance, and addressing any potential psychological or emotional triggers.
BDSM practitioners aim to create a balance between pleasure and pain while minimizing the risk of injury. Here are some techniques for achieving this balance:
1. Sensory Play: Incorporating sensory play, such as using feathers, ice, or hot wax, can heighten the sensations and provide a more balanced experience.
2. Safety Precautions: Practitioners should use safe and sterile equipment, follow hygiene guidelines, and be well-versed in first aid practices in case of any accidents.
3. Feedback and Adjustment: Continuous communication and feedback during BDSM activities allow participants to make real-time adjustments, ensuring that the experience remains pleasurable and within agreed-upon boundaries.
4. Self-Care: Participants should prioritize self-care, both before and after BDSM sessions. This includes staying well-hydrated, getting enough rest, and engaging in activities that promote mental and emotional well-being.
The world of BDSM offers a unique and consensual space where the interplay of pleasure and pain takes center stage. Pain processing, an intensely personal experience, hinges on trust, communication, and a deep understanding of one's own and their partner's boundaries. While pushing boundaries is a fundamental aspect of BDSM, it must always be done with utmost care, ensuring that all involved parties feel safe and respected.
To maximize pleasure and minimize harm, practitioners should prioritize open communication, a gradual approach to intensity, and comprehensive aftercare. Safety precautions and self-care are also crucial, underlining the importance of maintaining physical and emotional well-being throughout the experience.
In the end, BDSM is about more than just pain; it is about the consensual exchange of power and the exploration of desires. It's a deeply intimate journey that allows participants to delve into their fantasies and trust their partners in ways that few other experiences can replicate. As long as it's built upon a foundation of trust, consent, and a commitment to safety, BDSM can be a fulfilling and transformative experience for all involved.
* Long Time ~ Blondie ~ Pollinator * Angel From Montgomery ~ Bonnie Raitt~ Streetlights * Sunday Morning ~ Maroon 5 ~ Songs About Jane * The Sky Is Crying ~ Stevie Ray Vaughn ~ The Sky Is Crying * Have You Seen Me Lately? ~ Counting Crowes ~ Across A Wire ~ Live In New York * Flower Power ~ Greta Van Fleet ~ From The Fires * Hearts And Bones ~ Paul Simon ~ The Essential Paul Simon * Your Bright Baby Blues ~ Jackson Browne ~ The Pretender * The Beautiful Ones ~ Prince ~ Purple Rain * I Am The Moon ~The White Buffalo ~ Darkest Darks ,Lightest Lights
Your Bright Baby Blues ~ Jackson Browne
I'm sitting down by the highway Down by that highway side Everybody's going somewhere Riding just as fast as they can ride I guess they've got a lot to do Before they can rest assured Their lives are justified Pray to God for me baby He can let me slide
I've been up And down this highway Far as my eyes can see No matter how fast I run I can never seem To get away from me No matter where I am I can't help thinking I'm just a day away From where I want to be Now I'm running home baby Like a river to the sea
Baby if you can see me Out across this wilderness There's just one thing I was hoping you might guess Baby, you can free me All in the power of Your sweet tenderness
I can see it in your eyes You've got those bright baby blues You don't see what you've got to gain But you don't like to lose You watch yourself from the sidelines Like your life is a game You don't mind playing To keep yourself amused I don't mean to be cruel baby But you're looking confused
Baby if you can hear me Turn down your radio There's just one thing I want you to know When you've been near me I've felt the love Stirring in my soul
It's so hard to come by That feeling of peace This friend of mine said Close your eyes And try a few of these I thought I was flying like a bird So far above my sorrow When I looked down I was standing on my knees Now I need someone to help me Someone to help me, please
Baby if you need me Like I know I need you There's just one thing I'll ask you to do Take my hand and lead me To the hole in your garden wall And pull me through Pull me through
My early beliefs about D/s were shaped by a series of pretty emotionally abusive relationships. And by shit, I read in the weird crevices of the internet. For a long time, I didn’t know any better.
Pair that with the fact that I’m a perfectionist and you got some pretty dicey situations. And I’m not talking oh, I like to do well - I’m talking a nearly pathological need to be perfect.
I used to think the perfect sub would take whatever they were given and beg for more. I used to think the perfect sub would never have to use their safeword. I used to think the perfect sub was always willing, ready, and available.
I used to think the perfect sub didn’t have limits. Or that if they did then they’d happily push and test and abandon those limits to please their Dom(me).
I used to think the perfect sub didn’t make waves, didn’t ask for too much, and didn’t need more than what they were given.
I used to think the perfect sub was focused entirely on the relationship and on pleasing their Dom(me) and that nothing was ever - EVER - more important than that.
I used to think the perfect sub was pleasing, quiet, agreeable, soft, and pliant. Always. Without exception.
But now I know better.
The perfect sub has limits and safewords when it gets to be too much. The perfect sub is not afraid to safeword whenever and whyever they need to.
The perfect sub has needs and speaks up about those needs because they know that their Dom(me) is not a mind reader.
The perfect sub has expectations, requirements, and beliefs that they bring to the relationship. The perfect sub has deal breakers and things that will not be negotiated.
The perfect sub is not always ready, not always willing, and not always available - and that’s okay.
The perfect sub has a life and focus outside of the relationship. The perfect sub has interests, hobbies, friends, and a life. And sometimes that life requires attention.
The perfect sub doesn’t necessarily like everything that’s depicted in porn. The perfect sub can’t necessarily deepthroat or take a spanking or be tied up in elaborate positions.
The perfect sub knows that communication is key. And knows that it’s okay to stand up for themselves. And knows that their Dom(me) is not a god but a human.
And the perfect sub is human too, which means that they’re not really perfect at all.
