Do you ever just stop for a minute and think about your past, and ask yourself “How the fuck am I actually still walking the surface of the planet?”
I do. All the time. Which is why I try to live now. As completely as I can. Your past means nothing, other than to educate your now. Your future means nothing. I literally never thought I’d even have a future. Yet tomorrow might come, and here we are. If grace exists, then the fact that I’m here now, writing this, might be the best evidence for it yet. And I think that is why this is so, so worth it.
* You can be a kick-ass submissive and not own a single piece of lingerie. * You can kneel in slip-on Converse just as well as you can in heels. * Wanting to be wanted can lead to seriously poor decision-making. * You can love someone and not be a match. * You deserve as much pleasure as they do. * Liars and cheaters will always lie and cheat. * Not everyone likes the spotlight; it’s ok to live D/s very privately. * It’s ok to make things like rope bondage and tickling hard limits; it’s ok to make anything a hard limit. * Dominants can use a safeword or otherwise stop an activity. * Submissives can walk away; you don’t have to be ‘released’ from shit. * Moving quickly rarely leads to longevity. * Your gut is never wrong; listen to it. * It’s ok to not look like a fetish model; most people don’t. * Sex can feel good even without orgasm. * If the effort isn’t there, in the beginning, it never will be. * You can defer to someone and respect them as a leader even while watching. Netflix and eating steak nachos with your fingers. * Dominants can get sick and be huge babies and still be worthy of obedience and respect. * Not every Dominant is an executive with an expense account. * Submissives can make more money than their partner. * You don’t have to say ‘Daddy’ to feel it in your bones. * Toxicity isn’t gender-specific. * You can’t always educate yourself out of raised-with-it bias, but you have to try. * It’s ok to demand more for yourself; having standards solidifies self-worth. * Strength is a process. * Self-esteem requires active management. * Submission doesn’t cease to exist when you’re single. * Submission doesn’t just end when you hit 30 or 50 or 70. * You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. * You can change your mind. * You can use your voice. * You have to use your voice!
I spent the past few hours listening to Tina. Going back in time. She was an astonishing woman and toured her whole life. Tina even insured her legs for 3.2 million at the peak of her career. Legendary. Soulful. Beautiful.
* River Deep -Mountain High ~ Simply The Best ~ Remastered 1991
* Better Be Good To Me ~ Simply The Best
* Look Me In The Heart ~ Simply The Best
* Nutbush City Limits ~ The Best '90's Version
* The Best ~ The Best
* What You Get Is What You See. ~ The Best
* Proud Mary ~ Ike & Tina ~ Working Together
* You Can Have It ~ Ike & Tina Working Together
* The Way You Love Me ~ Ike & Tina
* A Fool In Love ~ Ike & Tina ~ The Soul Of Ike And Tina Turner
Better Be Good To Me ~ Simply The Best
A prisoner of your love Entangled in your web Hot whispers in the night I'm captured by your spell (captured) Oh, yes, I'm touched by this show of emotion Should I be fractured by your lack of devotion? Should I? Should I?
Oh, you better be good to me! That's how it's got to be now 'Cause I don't have no use for what you loosely call the truth And you better be good to me Yeah, you better be good, good C'mon, c'mon, be good to me
I think it's all so right That we don't need to fight We stand face to face And you present your case Yes, I know you keep telling me that you love me And I really do want to believe But did you think I'd just accept you in blind faith? Oh, sure, babe, anything to please you!
But you better be good to me That's how it's got to be now 'Cause I don't have the time for your overloaded lines And you better be good to me Yeah, you better be good Be good to me
And I really don't see why it's so hard to be Good to me, and, you know I don't understand, what's your plan That you can't be good to me What I can't feel I surely cannot see Why can't you be good to me And if it's not real, I do not wish to see Why don't you be good to me
Why can't you be good to me? Why can't you be good to me? Why can't you be good to me? Why can't you be good to me? Why can't you be good to me?
Be good, good to me Be good to me 'Cause I don't have no use for what you loosely call the truth And I don't have the time for your overloaded lies So you better be good to me Yeah, you better be good Better be good to me
Better be good 'Cause I don't have the time for your overloaded lies And I don't have no use for what you loosely call the truth And you better be good to me (Why can't you be) be good to me (Why can't you be) be good (Why can't you be) be good to me (Why can't you be)
'Cause I don't have no use for what you loosely call the truth And I don't have the time for your overloaded lies You better be good to me (Why can't you be) good to me (Why can't you be) good to me Be good
Be good to me Why can't you be (Why can't you be) good to me (Be good to me) Why can't you be (Why can't you be) good to me (Be good to me) C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon Be good to me
* Girl From The North Country ~ Live At The Royal Festival Hall ~ London , UK 1964
* It Ain't Me Babe ~ Live At The Royal Festival Hall ~ London , UK 1964
* Visions Of Johanna ~ Live At The Belfast Theater, Ireland 1966
* Simple Twist Of Fate ~ Blood On The Tracks
* You're A Big Girl Now~ Blood On The Tracks
* Not Dark Yet ~ Time Out Of Mind Sessions ~ The Bootleg Series ( 1996-1997 )
* Standing In The Doorway ~ Time Out Of Mind Sessions ~ The Bootleg Series ( 1996-1997 )
* I've Made Up My Mind To Give Myself To You ~ Rough And Rowdy Ways
* It's Alright Ma" ( I'm Only Bleeding ) Live At The Oval City Hall, Sheffield, UK ( 1965 )
* Love Minus Zero/ No Limit ~ Live At The Odeon Liverpool, England, UK ( 1965 )
* She Belongs To Me ~ Live At The Royal Albert Hall ~ Manchester, UK ( 1965 )
She Belongs To Me ~ Live At The Royal Albert Hall ~ Manchester, UK ( 1985 )
She's got everything she needs, she's an artist She don't look back She's got everything she needs, she's an artist She don't look back She can take the dark out of the nighttime And paint the daytime black
You will start out standing Proud to steal her anything she sees You will start out standing Proud to steal her anything she sees But you'll wind up peeking through her keyhole Down upon your knees
She never stumbles, she's got no place to fall She never stumbles, she's got no place to fall She's nobody's child, the Law can't touch her at all
She wears an Egyptian ring that sparkles before she speaks She wears an Egyptian ring that sparkles before she speaks She's a hypnotist collector, you are a walking antique.
Bow down to her on Sunday Salute her when her birthday comes Bow down to her on Sunday Salute her when her birthday comes For Halloween give her a trumpet And for Christmas, buy her a drum
Intimacy means that we can be who we are in a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same. ‘Being who we are’ requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship. ‘Allowing the other person to do the same’ means that we can stay emotionally connected to that other party who thinks, feels, and believes differently, without needing to change, convince, or fix the other. An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.
Dating is a bizarre ritual, and frankly, it’s one I’ve never understood. My relationships have always just sort of happened. We were friends first, or there was a spark and we dove in. At least that’s how my brain tells the story. I know every relationship began with uncertainty and wondering if I should say this or do that. But nearly a year into dating again, I find myself completely perplexed by it.
Then there’s D/s dating. It occurred to me last week that I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. And that’s probably because I’ve never really done it before. Sure, I’ve had D/s relationships. But they have been in the context of looking for a Dominant, not looking for a partner who wants to own me. There’s a difference.
When you are just looking for a Dom, you make sure they want what you want, that you like them as a person, and that your must-have kinks are a match. Then it begins. Rules, titles, tasks. And bam, it’s A Thing. It happens quickly—or at least it always has for me.
But when you are looking for a whole person within D/s, it seems to happen more slowly. It’s more like vanilla dating. You talk. You learn about each other. You live in the grey area for longer, not sure if it is or it isn’t. You give up control, but gradually. One piece at a time. Then one day you wake up and realize you are owned.
As a person who needs clarity and order and instruction, this grey area is hard. I wonder if there are submissives out there who actually like dating. Or maybe we are all just giant balls of anxiety, trying to make it to the point where we can submit—where we feel inspired to give control to a person who wants to take it. There is a deep comfort in finding a leader worth following. I can build my own clarity and order, but somehow, it’s more fulfilling when it comes from another.
Still, there’s tension in dating. How do you make sure a person wants the same depth of dynamic while also letting the power exchange unfold organically? When do you start to give up pieces of control? How can I convey my desire to submit without giving too much too soon? Am I undermining the foundation of a deeper dynamic by expressing my kinky, slutty side?
Of course, these are not so different from vanilla worries. There’s a lot of vulnerability early on in dating. But somehow as a submissive, I feel less comfortable just stumbling into it. It’s hard to trust that the power exchange will develop in its own time. I want to project manage the process—to see in black and white that it exists or will exist at some appointed time. Ironically, letting go of control is not always one of my strong suits.
But then a text message comes, and there’s an instruction. The first instruction. Small. Simple. And yet, it speaks volumes. It says he’s thinking of me. It says he wants control. It says he knows I will obey. And I do, gleefully. He tells me he appreciates my prompt obedience. And just like that, some of the uncertainty clears away. It’s a first step. And oh, how it makes me want to take a second.
~cherished property
I love this version of this Counting Crows song. In my opinion, it's the very Best.
Love is someone saying "I see you and I will walk in that direction."
Sometimes you see; sometimes they see. Sometimes you walk; sometimes they walk. Healthy love is where all of that happens consistently. That's how simple it is.
Except... no one is born good at seeing or walking. We each have to learn. Each of us, no exceptions. So, we learn, at different rates, in different ways. That's how complicated it is.
If it were easy and common, it wouldn't be as valuable, would it? We'd take it for granted. We wouldn't have so many songs and stories about love if it was just some convenient product, we could pick off a shelf.
Love is rare and homegrown. Each love is a unique work of art representing time and effort and dedication and all of the lessons learned along the way. That's why it's a priceless treasure. That's why it's a gamble and investment. That's why so many of us want it so much.
Learn to understand and be understood. Learn to approach and be approached. Don't get upset at anyone for learning -- including yourself. It's all part of the process we've each had to individually reinvent after thousands and thousands of years of humanity.
What follows are two reviews on the Luvkis vibrator... When I read them this morning while drinking my coffee, I laughed so hard that I literally spit it out several times. I wanted to share them because I thought they were so funny.
* Can't Find My Way Home~ Blind Faith ~Blind Faith * Visions Of Johanna ~ Bob Dylan ~No Direction Home Take 1966 * Pink Houses ~ John Mellencamp ~ UH-HUh * Wild World ~ Cat Stevens ~ Tea for the Tillerman * So Damn Lucky ~ Dave Matthews~ Some Devil * Pale Blue Eyes ~ The Velvet Underground~ The Velvet Underground * Feelin' Alright ~ Traffic ~Mei '68 * The Times They Are A-Changin' ~ Tracey Chapman ~Bob Dylan 30th Anniversary Concert * Tiny Dancer ~ Elton John ~ Madman Across the Water * State Of Love And Trust ~ Pearl Jam ~ MTV Unplugged * Hold You In My Arms ~Ray LaMontagne * Wicked Games ~ Stone Sour ~Come Whatever May 10th Anniversary Edition
Wicked Games ~ Stone Sour
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you It's strange what desire will make foolish people do I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you
No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) With you With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)
What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you
And I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) With you
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you Strange what desire will make foolish people do I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you
No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) With you (this world is only gonna break your heart) With you (with you) (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I (this world is only gonna break your heart) (This world is only gonna break your heart)
Everybody has experienced the defeat of their lives. Nobody has a life that worked out the way they wanted it to work out. We all begin as the hero of our own dramas, in center stage, and inevitably life moves us out of center stage, defeats the hero, overturns the plot and the strategy and we’re left on the sidelines, wondering why we no longer have a part, or want a part, in the whole damn thing. So everybody’s experienced this. When it’s presented to us sweetly, the feeling goes from heart to heart and we feel less isolated and we feel part of the great human chain, which is really involved with the recognition of defeat.
~Leonard Cohen on why people enjoy listening to melancholy songs (BBC radio interview in 2007)
