Ashamed

The sun touches my face, it's warmth consuming me. Reminding me of you. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. Little reminders of you fill my mind. The sound of your voice, your laugh. Always so calming and peaceful. Strong and protecting, yet gentle.

Staring out the window I catch a glimpse of the place were we fist met. Feelings of excitement, nervousness, confusion and doubt. I wondered why you were talking to me. The lessons of the several months prior causing me to doubt your kindness. To question all of your words and actions. Knowing that I was not worthy of your kindness. Yet, somehow I trusted you, felt safe with you. Trusting you enough to get me home safely. Accepting that I may never see or hear from you again. The pain and heartache that had lead me to that moment still reminding me of my worthlessness.

How wrong I was. Months passed, and a friendship grew. Living in a world that had taught us that no one can be trusted and love always comes with conditions. Lessons learned through pain and heartache. Respect and friendship grew. Safety in one another following. When others were giving up, you didn't. When others believed lies, and accusations of unspeakable things. You didn't. Never leaving, never wavering.

Finding comfort and safety in our friendship. You began to become protective over me. Swearing that no one would ever hurt me again. Protecting me when past heartbreaks would try to regain their control over me. Never in all my years on this earth has anyone every done the things I have heard or seen you do to protect me. All the foundation guiding us to that moment when our hearts would be broken at the loss of an angel. A reminder to both of us, just how raw and evil this world can be.

As we healed from the loss of an angel taken way to soon. Friendship grew to love. As the years passed, I grew confident that I would never know a day without you. Gone were the days of feeling unsafe. Gone were the days of feeling alone. You reminded me of my own strength. Reminded me of my own worth. Your actions reminding me that I am deserving of being loved and spoiled. Day by day, month by month, year by year you rebuilt what others had torn down.

Each night I thanked G-d for bringing you into my life. I was so thankful, and all I prayed was that you knew how much I loved you and wanted you in my life. As I watched women come into your life, I prayed that you would find happiness with them. As you men came into my life, I prayed that you knew you would never leave my life. It took me years to find the correct word for what you were. Then one day it came to me.....Protector.

As all friends do, we had our share of disagreements and moments needing the others forgiveness. Each of us healing and always showing the other that we were strong enough to handle it. In an attempt to hide my hurt, and attempt to pretend not seeing you. Trying to disguise how badly I missed you and needed you. For fear you would see me as weak, fear of your rejection. I allowed words to slip from my lips. Words that would pierce you much harder than I intended to. Words that would spill out not in the order I intended to. Words that would cause me to endure the worst punishment I have ever endured.

My knees press into the hardwood. My body straightens, as I look into the mirror. Seeing strength that wasn't there before. Pride that has returned to me. When we meet you waited for me to find my strength. Your guidance as I found my voice again. Your protection and safety while I found myself again. Now it is my turn. My turn to wait, my turn to kneel. I kneel in wait to apologize for my sharp tongue. I kneel in wait for you to see what I see. I will always be here, I will always love you just as you have for me.

Sensation overload while trying to focus on something is extremely difficult.

My master has been edging me since I missed behaved the other day. I pushed master thinking I was being cute, but I pushed to far. Still in need of training, this I know. My punishment was no orgasm for a week. At the time I was like bring it ( I know, I know ).

Now my mouth is watering. Edging is great, but I am losing my mind. I have to focus on something and my mind wanders…………

Master likes it when I am waiting for him. Waiting on his bed, on my knees with my shoulders back and my breasts pushed out. I am kneeling there holding my leash out waiting for master to come home from work.

I hear his truck pull into the drive, his toy is starting to get wet, wet with excitement. Master opens the door to the bedroom. He sees me and grins. He closes the door, I lower my eyes. Master is not gonna come in. I continue to kneel, hoping at some point he will come back in.

A short while later, master opens the door again. I look up at him, he grins at me again and closes the door. I lower my eyes again and wait.

A short while later, master opens the door again. I look up at him, he grins at me, but this time he walks in. His toy starts getting excited, she begins to pulse. Master walk over towards me with that grin, that grin that makes me get excited. God that grin.

Master slides his hand around my neck, all the way to the back of my neck, his hands glide through my hair. He grabs a handful of hair and pulls. My head flows backwards, exposing my neck. He gently kisses my neck.

He lets go and walks over to our toy cabinet. He pulls out something with black straps. Master places it around me and into my mouth. He looks at me, right into my eyes. It's like he can see into my soul. You have been a bad girl this week.

He grabs my breasts, both hands full of my breasts, he leans down and begins licking my soft pink perky nipples. He inserts one of my nipples into his mouth, and sucks. He slowly grazes his teeth over my nipples. It feels amazing, I let out a little moan.

Master stands back up, he place his hands under my arms and lifts me off the bed. He sits me down on the bed. He begin to slide his nice hard present against me skin. It slides against my bare breasts, causing me to moan again. I want it, the feeling of his pulsating present  against my bare skin……..hmmm.

He grabs my head ( ever so gently, but with a force only he can ). He inserts himself into my mouth, and begins to moving in and out. Slow at first, then faster and faster. I can feel him pulsing against my tounge. His toy, is getting wet. Oh this is what I have been waiting for. I can feel her just pooling on the bed. Master, is moaning. The sounds of him enjoying himself, is making me get hot, very hot. He is holding onto my hair as he thrusts in and out.

Master stops, he places his hands underneath my arms and lifts me up and lays me on the bed. He spreads my legs tying them into the cuffs. I am spread wide open ready to receive master.

He slides his head in between my legs.  No soft, he is licking me hard, in fast circular motions. Master inserts one finger. Pushing it in and out, faster. My body is squirming, I am lifting my bottom off the bed.

Master slides his tongue up to my clit and back down perineum, then back up again. He has two fingers in me now, moving fast penetrating me. My body is begging to twitch. Master looks up, and with great force says “NO”.

Master climbs on top of me, grabbing ahold of my whole body. He inserts his present into his toy. Oh my whole body feels as if it is going to explode. He is so hard, and she is so accepting to finally have him.

His thrusts are fast and with a purpose. With each thrust my body is ready. I can not let go without his ok. Each thrust pushes me closer to that edge. His head buried in my neck, as his breathe and mine are like one. Both so close, master pushes himself up and looks down at me, he flashes me that grin. Oh that grin, it causes my back to arch, master knows I am close. He looks right in my eyes, and says cum for me my sweet submissive.

As the words leave his lips, my body lets go. As I am enjoying the sweet release, I feel master cum as well. His pulsating present pushing me. Oh that feeling.

Master picks me up off the bed and carries me into the bathroom. He set me down on the toilet. He gently removes the toy, and places it on the counter. He starts the water, and lifts me into the shower……..

Have I learned my lesson yet…….hell no, that was amazing…..damn master is good.

I was relaxing after yesterday's debauchery, when master instructed me “that I needed to edge my orgasm”. What is edging, what did master want me to do?

To the google! Like everything else you google, you get way too much information thrown at you at once. Finally, I turned to a follow sub. Her answer was short sweet and very much to the point.

Edging is pushing yourself to an orgasm but stopping right before the orgasm actually comes

Hmmm……...like everything master instructs me to do there's got to be a reason, right?

So, I thought I would give it a try.

As I layed on the bed, my long brown hair cascading over my bare shoulders, over my stimulated nipples. My nipples are being aroused by the see through lace nightgown. The feel of the lace against my nipples is so soft and stimulating. As the point toward the heavens, as I gently massage them. Rubbing my fingers over them. Gently pinching my nipples between my first finger and thumb.  My hair continues to fall down my sides past my waist and stops just above my ass.

I slide my hand down my belly feeling the softness of the lace against my bare skin. I wonder if feathers would feel this soft? My hand continues down my thighs. Rubbing my hands over and around my inner thighs, grabbing a large part of flash squeezing tight. My hand releases my inner thigh and continues over towards Masters pussy. Her lips are soft and wet. She is ready and begging for attention. I can feel her juices drip down, she is craving attention.

Masters hand slides across my back, his hand rests just above my ass. He leans towards me and whispers into my ear “ play with her, edge her for me “. His soft spoken words send goosebumps through my whole body.

I start with slowly rubbing her clit, in nice slow circles. This movement send chills throughout my body. I run my finger up and down and around her lips. I begin to bite my lower lip, to try to gain some control.  My large brown eyes turn to master for approval, master has his large cock in his hands and is stroking it with my every move. Master flashes me, that beautiful smile of his, knowing the grin of his drives me crazy.I know I am doing well.

Master hands me an ice cube, tells me to use this to edge closer. Edge closer for me baby he whispers. I take the ice cube in my other hand. Start sliding it over the lace on my stomach, down to his pussy. I begin rolling it over my lips. The mixture between heat and cooling is sending my senses into overdrive. This feeling, is debilitating. I slide the ice cube into his vagina, it slides right in. I move my other hand back over her clit, and begin rubbing in fast circles. Over and over, while the ice cube is being consumed by my heat, but the numbing feeling of the ice is pushing my orgasm forward. My back arches, my toes begin to curl ………...stop………..stop………...STOP. My hands freeze, his vagina is screaming come back, touch me please. Her wet juices fall down my leg, with mixture from the melted ice cube that was consumed by my heat.

I stopped, aching for more. Aching to finish. Master, runs his fingers through my hair, and grabs a handful of my hair and pulls, forcing my head backwards. He kisses my neck, rolling his tongue up my neck towards my ear. His sweet lips laying large kisses on my neck.  He whispers in my ear good girl……

Okay master I submit, you knew. I submit to your knowledge. I crave your touch even more now than before. My heart is racing with excitement.

What a rush!

As I sit here on break eating....my mind wanders.

I have several friends who have told me they don't wear panties. I alway said gross, they would tell me I am missing out. I never understood. Vanilla, wears underwear.

Master informed me today that his subs don't wear panties. So, off they went. As I placed my yoga pants over his beautifully naked pussy. I thought I could do this, then I took a step. Oh shit!

I froze, the sensation that she was getting from me WALKING was crazy. I made it to the car slowly. 

I began my 20 min ride to work. Every bump was sending shock waves through my system. His pussy was screaming to be touched. With each slide up and down on the speed bumps about forced me to release. Master was very clear NO ORGASM!.

Oh my sweet master, you are cleaver. You knew!

How was I going to do this, I was going to have to muster every strength, just to focus on work, and not the ever growning want to be touched. 

Master, allowed me to play with her but No orgasm. I sat ever so quietly allowing my hair to fall onto my sholders as I cuped his naked, exposed pussy, and began slowly caress his clit, moving my way down to her soft lips, with every touch every movement she quivered with excitement. 

One finger, then another as my mind wonder at what master would do if he was here. Would he consume her with his tounge, or insert is cock into my pussy and allow to breath a sigh of release. 

Stop Stop stop! No ORGASM I am a good girl.

My timer is going off I must return to work.......will I make it through?

One thing is very clear here, a prude no more. I may never wear panties anymore. 

As I sit and watch the washer go round and round, and rub my very red ass. Remember, what a wonderful day I had. While realizing I still had a long way to go.

Learning to watch my mouth has possed a very difficult task for me. Towards the end of last week, I had a very difficult day. It was extremely stressful and I was snapping at everyone. Master was quiet, he allowed me to snap at him like a snapper turtle protecting itself.

During my day off, Master reminded me of my very stressful day. Told me to go lay on the bed on my belly. I put on a outfit that master liked, and layed as instructed. Master came in a few minutes later. He didnt say a word, he moved silently through the room.

He placed the ball gag into my mouth. He whispered, Sometimes you talk to much. SMACK! My back arched, at the feeling of the paddle connecting with my ass. SMACK! " This what you get for being a bad girl and snapping at your master" SMACK! " You will not speak to master that way again". With each hit, my body was aching for him to take me. His pussing dripping wet. 5 SMACKS on each cheek.

He places the paddle down next to me. It is pink, and small. But it did it's job. Master rolled me over on my back and began kissing my belly. Slowly moving his way down, kissing every inch of my stomach, till he reached my inner thigh. He slowly moved his tongue over his pussy which was dripping wet. He started slowly, rubing his tounge all over and inside his pussy. I moan, he looks up and says NO YOU MAY NOT CUM!

My body squirms with excitement, and he inserts one finger, then two. Moving them in and out. Faster and faster. I moan again, he stands up and unbuttons his pants. He filps me back to my belly, raises my red, sore ass into the air.

He inserts, his hard pulsating cock into his pussy. She wraps around him noce and tights. He begins thrusting in and out. Grabbing ahold of my ass, and thrusting himself in harder.

CUM for me beautiful, he shouts, CUM with me beatiful he says. As if his words are my sweet release, my pussy releases all her wonderful juices, just has his cock his releasing inside me.

As the buzzer on the washer goes off, I am reminded it is time to switch the loads. As I stand and rub my soar ass, how do I find a way to watch my mouth?