The sun touches my face, it's warmth consuming me. Reminding me of you. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. Little reminders of you fill my mind. The sound of your voice, your laugh. Always so calming and peaceful. Strong and protecting, yet gentle.
Staring out the window I catch a glimpse of the place were we fist met. Feelings of excitement, nervousness, confusion and doubt. I wondered why you were talking to me. The lessons of the several months prior causing me to doubt your kindness. To question all of your words and actions. Knowing that I was not worthy of your kindness. Yet, somehow I trusted you, felt safe with you. Trusting you enough to get me home safely. Accepting that I may never see or hear from you again. The pain and heartache that had lead me to that moment still reminding me of my worthlessness.
How wrong I was. Months passed, and a friendship grew. Living in a world that had taught us that no one can be trusted and love always comes with conditions. Lessons learned through pain and heartache. Respect and friendship grew. Safety in one another following. When others were giving up, you didn't. When others believed lies, and accusations of unspeakable things. You didn't. Never leaving, never wavering.
Finding comfort and safety in our friendship. You began to become protective over me. Swearing that no one would ever hurt me again. Protecting me when past heartbreaks would try to regain their control over me. Never in all my years on this earth has anyone every done the things I have heard or seen you do to protect me. All the foundation guiding us to that moment when our hearts would be broken at the loss of an angel. A reminder to both of us, just how raw and evil this world can be.
As we healed from the loss of an angel taken way to soon. Friendship grew to love. As the years passed, I grew confident that I would never know a day without you. Gone were the days of feeling unsafe. Gone were the days of feeling alone. You reminded me of my own strength. Reminded me of my own worth. Your actions reminding me that I am deserving of being loved and spoiled. Day by day, month by month, year by year you rebuilt what others had torn down.
Each night I thanked G-d for bringing you into my life. I was so thankful, and all I prayed was that you knew how much I loved you and wanted you in my life. As I watched women come into your life, I prayed that you would find happiness with them. As you men came into my life, I prayed that you knew you would never leave my life. It took me years to find the correct word for what you were. Then one day it came to me.....Protector.
As all friends do, we had our share of disagreements and moments needing the others forgiveness. Each of us healing and always showing the other that we were strong enough to handle it. In an attempt to hide my hurt, and attempt to pretend not seeing you. Trying to disguise how badly I missed you and needed you. For fear you would see me as weak, fear of your rejection. I allowed words to slip from my lips. Words that would pierce you much harder than I intended to. Words that would spill out not in the order I intended to. Words that would cause me to endure the worst punishment I have ever endured.
My knees press into the hardwood. My body straightens, as I look into the mirror. Seeing strength that wasn't there before. Pride that has returned to me. When we meet you waited for me to find my strength. Your guidance as I found my voice again. Your protection and safety while I found myself again. Now it is my turn. My turn to wait, my turn to kneel. I kneel in wait to apologize for my sharp tongue. I kneel in wait for you to see what I see. I will always be here, I will always love you just as you have for me.