Not to get too personal, but someone who was once very dear to me is no longer involved in my life, not through death, but a mutual decision. I once believed that this person may return to me, however, I know that this is no longer the case. Basically the decision for them came down to if they wanted to change and go to the next level or leave altogether. They choose the latter. My tasks in recent weeks have been choosing between morning the loss of this relationship or just trying to move past it and keep busy.
Allowing myself space I need to morn, is probably one of the nicest things I can do for myself. I do this by journaling or just lying down alone with my thoughts. I don't know how productive this is, to be honest. I feel lost in the moment, only in the end, to feel I have earned an ounce of clarity. Everything just feels hazy, and I end up even more insecure.
When I am busy, it feels easier. I'm with friends, and we laugh and have a good time. Everyone has reached out and has helped me in some small way. Whether it's sending me positive messages and memes or taking me out for coffee or drinks, they all have been there for me. I feel secure when I am with them. Sometimes I'm busy alone, though. I just bury my head in my work. I feel productive and can actually focus enough to accomplish what I need too. However, when the work ends or my friends leave I suddenly feel even more alone. I feel like I have to clamor for "what's next."
So, I've been trying to do a balance of both. Being alone with my thoughts, for the ounce of clarity, and being busy to avoid the pain. Let me know how you like to deal with these situations in a comment; I'm always open to new ideas.
