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Firecracker Diaries - A combination of stories, random thoughts and an appreciation log of life with Daddy

I'm a owned and collared. The journey I have been on with Daddy is amazing...and only gets better! This is my daily entries of what is going on in my head and stories of all the things I’m learning with Daddy!
5 years ago. September 15, 2019 at 2:36 AM

Agitator...

 


I have this wonderful way to agitate people...specifically my Master. It feels like I do this in a regular basis lately. I never do this on purpose...it’s usually a lapse thinking about what is coming out of my mouth. Or a combination of words and facial expressions that don’t communicate well. Then trying to rectify the situation just gets worse.

 


My problem is I don’t know how to deal with conflict or frustration when it comes to anyone I love. My child or my mother this is true....but it is multiplied by 100 when if comes to Master. I think it comes down to Im afraid of losing any of them. Just writing this blog builds up a level of anxiety in me that is horrible. Just typing it out is horrible.

 


I don’t know how to talk and air my opposite opinion about things without a fear. It’s very strange for me because in my life outside of them...I have no issues. But especially with Master all I want to do is make him happy....and sometimes I feel I am a disappointment. I just want to be the person I know I can be all the time.

 


I know this is all my issue and I have to find an answer for myself on how to fix the way I feel and deal with things...but in the mean time I’m trying to figure out how to communicate with frustrating those that I don’t want to frustrate.

 


Until tomorrow...


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