Agitator...
I have this wonderful way to agitate people...specifically my Master. It feels like I do this in a regular basis lately. I never do this on purpose...it’s usually a lapse thinking about what is coming out of my mouth. Or a combination of words and facial expressions that don’t communicate well. Then trying to rectify the situation just gets worse.
My problem is I don’t know how to deal with conflict or frustration when it comes to anyone I love. My child or my mother this is true....but it is multiplied by 100 when if comes to Master. I think it comes down to Im afraid of losing any of them. Just writing this blog builds up a level of anxiety in me that is horrible. Just typing it out is horrible.
I don’t know how to talk and air my opposite opinion about things without a fear. It’s very strange for me because in my life outside of them...I have no issues. But especially with Master all I want to do is make him happy....and sometimes I feel I am a disappointment. I just want to be the person I know I can be all the time.
I know this is all my issue and I have to find an answer for myself on how to fix the way I feel and deal with things...but in the mean time I’m trying to figure out how to communicate with frustrating those that I don’t want to frustrate.
Until tomorrow...