Today we set out to drive back home...a 10 hour drive that I would have him all to myself!
Holding hands 90% of the way and enjoying the beautiful views he is showing me. I read to him most of the way...as we both enjoy erotic stories and mini novels.
With a little more than an hour left I’m the drive I want to go over a check of the rules and see how I am doing. As I have stated before in previous blogs this is my first time in a true D/S relationship and I am still learning quite a bit.
Some of the rules are still hard for me to remember...like asking for permission for all of my needs/wants...things like going to the restroom...I forget to ask. So we talked about expectations and the why behind them. We talked about how it makes him feel when I forget. It makes him feel like I am not focused on him...which is definitely not what I want!! I want to please jim every second of the day!!!
We talk about me sharing my choice of submitting to him with my friends and family. How it feels as though I’m hiding it from them... I don’t think I’m hiding anything from anyone...but he is correct in the fact that I haven’t shared it with anyone either.
Its not that I don’t want to...but I’ve never been in the habit of letting others into my world. That part is hard for me. I have no idea why... I think sharing with my friends is easy...if they ask I will tell...but coming out and telling is something i need to do....and I will.
Now my family is different. How do you explain your life choice to people that are not educated about this lifestyle? How do you make them understand that it’s more than just sexual...it’s a different kind of commitment that we have made to each other...that goes much deeper than sex? Will they understand? Idk?? I don’t care what they think of me...I know they will love me either way...but they will judge us...and I don’t want that. I just want everyone to be happy and content with everyone all the time. Is that too much to ask!? This is exactly why I don’t like the news...I don’t like politics...I DONT LIKE DRAMA!!
I just want him...and to be happy all the days of our lives. And for him to be pleased with all I am to him.
i will work on freeing my mind to make it 100% open to him all the time.
Until tomorrow...
