3 more days and then he will be coming home to me. The time is just not passing fast enough!!
I have been thinking about so many things over the past several days...one of them has been about my thoughts about a relationship.
Just so we are clear...I’m learning how to be in a healthy relationship. I have never been in a relationship that I would consider healthy...or anyone would consider healthy. I have seen everything from abusive to neglecting and experienced the emotions that are derived from them. And as hard as I try to not let past experience have any baring on my current relationship...sometimes it creeps in.
Today during a conversation...I asked a question about something that I really didn’t care about but was curious...and the response hurt my feelings. Then my Master got frustrated with me because I didn’t communicate in that moment why I got upset. Well...I was in a spot I couldn’t speak freely and also I needed to process for myself why it hurt my feelings.
We got it all worked out...but I really did have to think about why it hurt my feelings...even when it was about something that I didn’t really care about. I know that my head and self esteem has been damaged from different things in my life...but I don’t want any of that in my world anymore!!!
I want everything to be about us and what we are learning together about our love. I don’t want any of the ugly love lessons to be apart of the love story that we are writing...I want us to have blank pages to fill.
So how do I erase my emotional memory to not respond negatively to an innocent response from someone that has not emotionally scarred me??? It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to me....
This man makes me happier than I have ever been...and the pages of
Life we are writing together are beautiful...I would give anything for this love to be the one that taught me the right way....but since it isn’t I have to work on making sure that this one is about us and nobody else... and enjoying the ride while we write our story!
Until tomorrow....
