Messages from the bottle

So you ever love someone so much you let them get away with murder around you?. Ug I have to stop allowing that. Idk. It’s extra hard when it’s your mom. I’m struggling a bit maintaining my emotions while in the throws of a breakdown of a long term relationship.  For some reason my mom will bring up the most depressing shit and go on and on about it. Your sitting there listening debating whether you should blow your own brains out (just an expression no real threat of harming myself ther) or yelling at her that she’s an insufferable moron at times. Really I love her so much I would jump in front of a bus to save her. But sometimes. My hands her neck shake shake shake lol. She just went on and on about death and these dieing suffering cats she seen. I just sat there. What do you say?  I wanted to puke. She even at one point said it makes her sick but talk on she did. I struggle to stay out of deep depression these days. I try to look for the best in everything and everyone but geez Ma!!  She’s killing me slowly with this talk. I just wanted to vent about it because I never want her to know I do find her tough to communicate with at times. My sister can be so harsh to her.  I try to make up for it by being extra understanding. When your having a bad time though it difficult. Yesterday I did pretty good. I had lots of support here. Several people reached out to me to check on me. That set me up for success yesterday. And a certain day dream come true had me in a perfect mind space   I was fulfilled and free to be me. Feeling as though I succeeded at making someone happy.