So I messed up... I've never blogged before but I think I can vent here right? I think it's okay to do that.
I always wondered why doms ghosted me or didn't really try with me... and I see now that I'm the problem. And it's not the fact that I'm unattractive this time, its because I'm too needy.
I drove away the nicest, most patient, loving and just all round amazing guy. He really tried with me, he put up with me for almost eight whole months and I ruined it. Worst part is that he still wants to be in my life, as a mentor. I guess that's what hurts the most.
It would be easier if he hated me.
You're probably wondering what I did. Well, I was stupid. We weren't able to see eachother, neither of us could afford it. But we planned and we were working on it.
It's rare that I get any type of physical affection. I dont have friends anymore so cuddles and something as simple as having my hand held hasn't happened in months. And well long story short somone asked me out on a date and I said yes.
It was selfish and stupid and it turned out that that guy asking me out was just a prank. I deserved being laughed at.
And its pathetic because I wasn't attracted to him. I didn't know or care for him I just wanted a hug and maybe some kisses... I dont know.
Definitely nothing sexual, just affection. But I regret it so much.
Anyway so here I am. Without a Dom and wondering whether I deserve to call myself a submissive.
I need someone to tell me that I'm ungrateful. That I'm selfish and a fuck up and that I dont deserve a dom ever. Because he won't. Even though he should.
Just btw I had a bit to drink, and this liquid courage will go after a nap and I'll be so ashamed lol
