When should you consider stepping away from bdsm?
I had the best relationship I've been in end for no well explained reason. It has left me feeling broken and defeated. Being told "This is the healthiest relationship I have been in. Thank you for the respect, patience and care it means a lot. You're right there is nothing to fix or work on. I'm just no longer excited to talk to you or the fact you're moving close by. I don't think you're right for me. I have a random gut feeling telling me we won't last."
Now I get it gut feelings should not be ignored. But also when you're having a hard few weeks with stuff outside our relationship and mentioned two days prior of having an urge to self sabotage yourself maybe this gut feeling is off? Our break up happened on a Saturday. The Wednesday of that week I received the nicest message saying the exact opposite of the quote above. It was along the lines of "I am so grateful for our relationship. How you treat me and excited to see how our relationship blossoms with the distance being gone."
I just don't get it because we literally did not have a single fight, argument or anything. Looking back over my journals I can't find a time I made a mistake that could have lead to this unexpected break up. It is all so confusing and defeating. Giving such a vulnerable, intimate and special side of yourself to someone. Finally having a real healthy relationship for the first time, no drama or trauma. Just two adults who share a lot in common being happy together. I get you can't make sense of everything but this one stings and I have hoped there would be clarification or better yet we reconnect.
I'll stop there out of respect for her if she sees this blog ever and not share anymore details. That's a small back story to explain the question at the top.
When is it time to step away from bdsm? I am in the position in life to look for a relationship and found a healthy one yet it still couldn't last. It has become tiring to give yourself to someone. To build an environment where you both feel safe, respected, seen, listened to, valued and is healthy. Only to have it fall apart.
Is this life or what ever you want to believe in saying you need to walk away from bdsm? I've had some bad endings to relationships but that was from my own doing. They still hurt but not like this.
I do not know where I am going with this blog or how long it will be left up for. Thank you for reading my incoherent rambling.
