we all have our dark times. and i have certainly had some just recently.
and i definitely knew better but i just sat up on top of the fence watching wishing waiting for someone to decide that i deserved to be treated better. and the point came where that didnt happen and my psyche needed to stop the insanity and so thats what i did. i split and released myself from a poly Dom who clearly was and is no longer interested in me.
its a bitter pill to take when you realize that you are no longer wanted. and the first gut feeling is to fight it and ignore it and hope, and watch, and wish and wait for it to change for the better. but it usually doesnt. and my belief is that i will never stay where i am not wanted.
and so with hope the smoke and anger and hurt and prolly depression can dissapate without moments to spare as you try to heal ......and the decision is made to look forward and move on.
and so thankfully that has happened and just like all the stressful times behind me where i was learning to come to grips with my emotions and feelings while trying to adjust to a poly relationship ....my instinct to distract myself and busy myself with something to do kicked in.
and so back to basics. i am an artist. i love to create. it also might be time for a job change....completely new life so i started learning a computer animation program called maya. there are tons of tutorials on it on u-tube. the funny thing is with my background in art and the methodical way i have developed to create murals ...animation makes complete sense so i am really excited and facinated with it.
of course if your thing isnt computer animating dont worry there is a world of tutorials on stuff on u-tube you just need to put your ideas or the stuff you are good at in that magic little search box and see if you can figure out what interests you or what you can learn that will lend itself to a better job in the future and a brighter life for you ahead.
there are plenty of assholes in the world. and just because an asshole caught your attention for a few moments it does not mean that you have to lower yourself and also be an asshole just like them. the fact you are splitting and moving off means you are NOT an asshole.
yes its stressful. yes there are uncertainties but you can always personally use a little sprucing up and its time for me anyway to take a leap forward and improve a significant amount. and i know i can do it.
the tutorials on maya are very interesting and before i buy the program i want to make sure its really something i want. and when im done...maya proficiency will look really good on my resume. then ill move on to a whole list of others that i made. i made a list of the programs they ask for on job applications on jobs in the art field and animating fields....that is how i knew what tutorials i wanted to look for.
but there are tutorials on office applications out there and if you are sitting there saying you dont know what you want to do...getting a better paying job being able to do office stuff might be an improvement for you. maybe you are already in an office...and a new program might liven things up for you. you never know.
just dont crawl into a cave and give up. no one is worth you giving up your lease on life just because THEY are an asshole. find a reason to get up every day and get dressed and go out and have a life. You OWE Yourself that much.
if you need help or ideas my door is open!!!!!
Today will be a better day!!!!
