As a child I wanted to please my parents despite my, mile wide stubborn streak, my old soul and not being satisfied with doing something if I didn't know the reason why.
As a teen a longed for a different kind of attention, but SHY as F!!!
...
After reflection I've realized that even as a child I was looking to BELONG to someone.
In every progressive step of belonging to someone, I was never truly happy and I know I wasn't satisfied.
I wasn't satisfied with a boyfriend, I wanted to be a wife.
I wasn't satisfied as a wife, so we brought children into the world.
I'm not going to say I'm not satisfied with my children, I am. And I do belong to them, but not in the same ways I can belong to someone else.
I wasn't satisfied with my husband, I tried hard, so very hard, for 13 years.
I tried a different type, a Man instead of a boy. Big improvement. But it was still missing something.
When I first started reading about this lifestyle eight years ago. It was kinky and hot as hell. I talked to my partners and explained. Some added and spiced up the bedroom, which was GREAT!!
But still they all ended and they all lacked what my soul was searching for.
I didn't think this really existed beyond books and a few kinky f'rs here and there. But after my first in person taste of it and this site ... I've found my missing aspect.
I can't even begin to describe the depth of my longing to finally, truly belong to Him. To be owned by Him.
To establish that bond, that trust. To know that when he expects, when he asks, when he commands ... I won't have to hesitate, question or resist.
This is the level I want and I don't want to settle for less.