"Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment."
- Mahatma Gandhi
I completely agree.
And for this reason, I do not believe in rules and punishments. Now, no one is wrong for doing such things - if you're doing it right, the punishments and rules should come from a place of love and respect, anyway. So it's still falling under "power by love" in my mind. If it works for you, then go for it.
But for me... my partner knowing I love him and knowing that he can come to me and my reactions and responses are out of love, opens us up so much more than him worrying about punishment. I used to unintentionally punish him, from a lack of emotional control. And it caused him to withdraw and... not keep things from me per se, but just... not bring them up. If I asked or prodded he would have spoken. But neither of us wanted that.
I'm still not perfect and in times of high stress I break a bit and lose some control of emotions. I make it kinda difficult to talk sometimes. But, no longer (I hope at least!) Is there a fear of unintentional punishment. He knows that, even if we disagree, I will still love him and still be by his side.
He would have to do something morally wrong for me to ever falter in my love for him. And the same for me.
Trying to love people in general, not just my husband, has helped me out in the world as well. I've been able to better a relationship with a supervisor because I continued to care about him even though he royally messed up and hurt a friend of mine, as well as a few other coworkers, while everyone else turned their back on him. And I am seeing the appreciation and respect growing from him because of that.
I'm able to push aside more things that used to trigger an emotional response from me. More so than before.
I dont worry as much about the negative thoughts that plague my mind, try to make me worry about subjects that dont matter or events that never happened. I've started getting more control over my anxiety... I feel a difference.
Love is truly the most powerful force in this world. And when you start to allow it to rule you... to influence and build you... you can feel it.
Love is the power I want.
