Kitten's Enthsiastic Articles

It's an apartment that's 30℅ based income in a good / quiet neighborhood

I move out of the shelter this coming Tuesday

Been at the shelter over 80 days

Feels like it was 3 weeks

Feels like a fever dream I finally get to wake up from soon

Living with my abusive family for 6 months doesn't even feel like it ever took place

I'm already forgetting what they look like

I forgot what my ex looks like.. 

I'm still crying over the bs

But I'll have my own place soon

It'll be empty for a bit but I'll make it a home for me and myself

It's still a lonely feeling not having anyone with me

But I'll focus on me to the best of my abilities

I just, I really dunno what to do with my life now

I was gunna get married and have kids

That went down the drain

Now what? 

I dunno.. 

It feels like I'm floating through life but I'll just take it one day at a time

Still crazy to think I survived this far let alone handled the shelter craziness

It actually went really well, I was a bundle of nerves but it went well and I meet with them again next week and they said roughly 2 to 3 months and I should have housing

For now I just save money and wait

I can wait

Waiting is easy

It was the uncertainty that drove me nuts lately

The stupid paper that legally says my ex was a douche

That he was a coward who could never be a master, prince or guardian

But still, I broke down last night

While housing news in fantastic news

I was still grieving the love that I was supposed to give him

He's dead to me these days

But it wasn't supposed to be that way

He was supposed to be the one I loved

But he only loved the convenience

He didn't love me

Love doesn't leave people starving and homeless

Love doesn't sign legal papers explaining they're throwing you away like trash

I thought he would of fought for me

I thought he would of begged me to stay

I thought he would have apologized

I thought he would have talked to me

But all I have left of him is that cold penmanship that says "I no longer need you or want you"

And so I cried for 3 hours last night like an idiot

It's been nearly a year since he left me for dead

And I'm still rebuilding

I just really hate that paper

And him

I hate him a lot

I almost sent him a scathing email but he isn't worth the time or energy and probably wouldn't care about what I had to say anyway

So I've just been trying to figure out how to love myself

Like replacing my books and having a cute kitchen down the road etc

Getting therapy twice a week for anxiety, depression, cptsd 

Getting meds for my mental health issues

Treated like a person who's real and actually matters

Just got a job secured

Start that in a couple days

Weekend shifts but roughly 865$ a month

I can fix things slowly with that

Got health insurance coverage

All the things I needed to fix, are actually getting fixed here... And no one thinks I'm stupid, no one is screaming at me, no one is demanding I work from home, no one is demanding money that doesn't belong to them, no one is snooping my bank account, no one is saying give me money or out you go

People ask how I'm doing

People ask if I tried this job and that

People ask me what I wanna have a career in

People ask me what makes me happy

People ask me what motivates me

People ask me if we can color stuff together or hang out and walk to the dollar store up the road

People treat me like a person

Something my family and ex boyfriend never did or completely failed to continue to do

It's sad but running to a shelter was the best decision I've ever made.. 

It's helping put my life back together.. 

In real lasting ways. 

Just wanted to let everyone know I made it safely to a shelter so I'll be okay