My life is pretty much cut and dry, I'm your average young adult. If you can can call me an adult, more like a child in an adult's body..
I follow the same routine every day, almost never skipping a beat.
- I wake up
- I try and eat breakfast
- Take the dog for a walk
- Get ready for work
- Make it through my work day
- Run errands/do chores
- Spend time with at least one friend or family member.
- Eat dinner
- Get ready for bed
- Take time to recount how my day went, and how I feel.
- Sleep
I've followed this formula since I was a freshman in highschool, it always helped me keep my depression somewhat in line.
Here we are, on Saturday September 19th, and it's 6:45 am. Almost time for me to wake up, and start the day.
So I snapped my eyes awake, ready to hear 'Take on me by Aha' signaling that it's time to crawl out of bed.
When my eyes opened, my vision looked werid? It was like I was seeing normally, but everything in my room had shifted a little bit to the right.
Of course I didn't stress over it right then and there, because it was kinda dark in my room so I probably need to turn the lights on.
So I tried to get out of bed, but my legs were stiff and unresponsive. Like they wanted to move but, something was holding them down.
I started to panic slightly, I've had sleep paralysis before. I was not in the mood to fight demon's, and SCP's this early in the morning.
Finally after a few minutes of struggling, my body just kinda threw it's self out of bed. I was happy because I still had time to follow my routine, until I realized I didn't move my body.
I'm freaking out at this point, and decided to ask my mom about it. Maybe she was experiencing the same thing, or she knew what was going on.
I motioned for my body to turn in the direction of her room, but it didn't work..? I just walked past her room, without any hesitation!?
I told myself that I'll skip breakfast today, I didn't want breakfast until I sorted the whole body thing out.
But I watched myself, go in the fridge and pull out the ingredients for oatmeal. And then I realized, I'm eating, even though I said I wasn't hungry.
Basically my brain, outright ignored me!!
At this point, I knew something was wrong but I couldn't discribe what the heck was happening. I even pondered call off of work, and heading to the doctor just to be safe.
I wasnt even keeping track of time, until my dog nugged me to indicate he was ready for a walk. I looked down at my hands, to see and empty bowl that once had oatmeal in it. (I don't remember eating it)
I got up and put my tennis shoes on, grabbed the leash and started for the door.
The walk was short and quick, or at least that what it felt like. I left the house at 8:15am, but once I made it back it was 9:30am.
For a walk that felt like 10 minutes, actually took an hour and fifteen. I was shocked, I could tell my facial expression didn't even budge.
I watched myself let the dog off the leash, as he dashed inside the house eager to eat his breakfast.
Then I started my morning routine, once I stood in the shower a part of me was still unsure about the situation I was in. So like any good scientist, I decided to experiment.
Everyday I use the same pomegranate soap, a black lofa and charcoal face cleanser.
So i decided to use my pink lofa and strawberry soap, but surprise surprise I continued to use the my Everyday shower routine.
After I proved my hypothesis right, I decided I would give up and just try to make through the day. The moment I allowed myself to just function, I began to see myself in 3rd perspective.
My mind was making decisions for me, And all I could do was watch helplessly. But I found out some pretty interesting things.
I found out that I wouldn't put myself in harm's way, even if I wasn't in my right mind.
For example, any other day I would of just drove to work. But instead my Brain made the decision to call a Lyft instead of driving, because I wasn't focused enough to drive.
Or when I clock in for work, I waited for the exact time to start my shift. I didn't clock in a second early or a second too late.
But what was really amazing to watch, was the fact that I could fake my job without a single flaw. I was able to provide errorless costumer service, I was even able to laugh and smile even though I couldn't feel it.
But my manager could kinda see right through it, he kept checking in on me. To make sure I was okay, since I seemed more off than usual.
In the back of my mind I was screaming, "No, I'm not alright my body is on autopilot mode and I can't turn it off!!"
But my body just smiled, and dismissed the thought. By telling him, that I probably was tired and needed some rest.
Once my work day was finished, I immediately made my way home. With no chores or errands to do, next was to spend time with a family member or friend.
Thank goodness everyone was busy.
Instead of eating dinner or getting ready for bed, I just went straight to sleep. I was ready for this day to be over with, and hopefully when I wake up it won't be the same.
The last thing I remember hearing before I fell asleep, was a voice that most likely belonged to my mom. She told me to go see the doctor, if I didn't feel better by tomorrow.
Now here we are Sunday, September 20th at 12:52pm. And Im back to normal, I've been touching things and making decisions all morning to make sure I'm me again.
And I'm glad to say, I'm no longer a ghost... I think...
I wanted to share this story, because I'm still not sure what the heck happened and maybe someone has a better idea. Thanks for reading all this!
-Night 🌙
