I lay in bed.
Naked.
A sheet draped over my satiated body.
Our noses kiss.
Like eskimos.
We laugh in hushed tones.
“What are you thinking,” I softly whisper.
My Him trails his finger tips up my arm,
caresses my neck, and kisses my collar bone.
He is quiet.
I can see in his eyes he wants to tell me something.
Something true.
Something valid.
His fingers trace my cheek and chin.
He pins me in place with his eyes.
Raw. Present. Vulnerable.
His gaze, intense.
I hold my breath.
“I am thinking,” he leans up on one elbow just enough so I am looking up at him, “that I am your man.”
His touch changes.
From lights to achingly tender.
“Who is taking care of his woman...”
My body responds.
I am transfixed.
I feel like he is wrapping a warm velvet blanket around my heart.
“…and protecting her.”
I freeze.
No breath.
No sound.
He knows.
No voice.
No choice.
No father.
Since 6.
And he still wants me.
Something in my chest starts to flutter and then lands, like a butterfly, on my heart.
I look away.
Slow hot tears.
Fall. Quiet and thick.
“Babe are you ok?”
I nodded yes.
But I can’t talk.
I can’t look at him.
He gently turns my face to his.
I can’t meet his eyes.
So he kisses them.
He lays with me in silence.
And I cry.
Saying nothing.
Saying everything.
In silence.
On the pillow.
He covers my body with his.
I wrap every part of me around him.
He puts me on top of him.
The sheet spilling down around my hips.
“I belong to you,” he says to me as I dig my finger nails into his chest and gasp for air.
I feel him.
On the inside.
And I am reduced to guttural utterances.
Grunts and signs.
Pants.
Throaty moans.
Primal.
He moves my body to match his pace.
He sits up, my legs and the sheet wrap around his waist.
He whispers in my ear with an intensity that is almost savage.
“Take what you want from me baby.
Take what you need.”
He presses into me.
I gasps.
He commands,”take it.”
And I do.
I push.
Pull.
Pant.
Punch.
I take from him with the full force of rage.
The rage of not having a choice.
A voice.
Of always being told.
But never asked.
“I will never leave you.
Just as I am yours, you are mine.”
I climax.
I collasp.
In his arms.
On the pillow.
Then I weep.
I cry.
I wail.
He rocks me.
He whispers tender words to me.
He lays my head on his chest.
“It’s time for you to sleep now, babe.
I’m right here. I love you.
I am not going anywhere.”
Something settles in my spirit.
I think its the butterfly…
As I drift off to sleep lulled by the steady beat of his heart, I feel something different.
Something new. Something I didn’t know I didn’t have.
Until now.
For the first time.
Ever.
Even if it’s only for now…
…I…
…feel…
…safe.
Yes. I’m safe.
For now.
And that’s enough.
It’s more than enough.
