Submissives are a shy lot. I have been with my husband for over 15 years and things still pop out he was too shy to reveal he has been sitting on the whole time we've been together. My love for him has grown over the years, as has my appreciation for who he is. I've learned what he needs from him but also from just pushing and pulling and watching for the result. I do play with other submissive males. It is their hallmark this shyness. I embrace it.
I encourage my husband to communicate as much as he likes. He emails me often - and we do sit and discuss things. The good, the bad - and yes, the ugly.
Every relationship has friction - its what you do with it that makes the difference. Are you learning? Are you growing? Is the love you feel getting deeper with understanding and practicing patience?
Then there are those moments that are turning points - like the night in bed he was being over-the-top with his neediness - and I grabbed my flogger from the nightstand and let him have it. He needed that discipline right then - and I needed to re-draw the already established boundaries for him with the pain of that lashing. It changed his outlook and his submission deepened.
Time and distance help me when dealing with issues like this. We didn't discuss what happened for 2 days. It fermented and when we finally popped the cap and sat down to discuss what happened my anger was gone and so was his fear. We could actually talk about what happened.
Every couple has their own process. This is ours.