What do I get out of being dominant? I’ve been asked that question here or there over the years. Every time I smile as I recall memories and feelings and the little things in life that have filled my heart with love and yearning - and the moments that have led me down a path of growth.
Its become such a huge part of me that answering it, well - to be dramatic it is like glancing up at the stars in the night sky and getting so carried away and overwhelmed with strands of thought that I don’t know where to begin. But sitting in the peaceful 3am of my Monday Morning here in Australia, soft rain gracing my windows, I thought I’d try.
I think, ultimately, it’s that I get fulfillment from my being Dominant. My needs, my love language, on both a primal and psychological level, is that I like control. I love the non-sexual aspect, of setting tasks and having that dynamic in place in a 24/7 aspect. Of dressing a submissive, of being granted control in matters in and out of the bedroom. It feels like a multi layered need and want in me. My love language. Romance, in a way. It satisfies my heart and mind.
But it goes deeper.
There is something truly, absolutely special about earning that dominance. Not taking, not unless that’s a part in the play we are both acting out, but also…there’s just something really beautiful about getting to know someone in such a deep, intimate way. Not just sexual. The conversations you have in light of the morning. In the dark of night. Out at dinner where sight and sound around you melts away and it’s you two in the moment.
There’s something beautiful about forming a bond. A bond that sets friendship alight and evolves into D/s —- and through that, there IE something beautiful about exploring a submissive’s desires and fantasies and taking your part in bringing that to life so that, together, you are living and breathing them in a way that satisfies both of you in different and beautiful ways.
So it’s about finding fulfillment in taking part in that dynamic. In leading and assuming / earning control but it’s also those small, yet gargantuan, moments as well. Her giggles, her playfulness and pleasure (or pleasure in pain) — and then building a realm and getting lost - or found - in that realm together. Our cabin out in the forest in our Mind Place together. Where we can be free to shed our clothes, decompress after a long day or week, fuck completely like primal beings, whatever it is that we want to explore we can do so in company.
Nothing makes me happier as a Dominant then to see her in her element. Relaxed and happy, naked and collared, exploring whatever she’s always wanted to – the freedom of submission, meowing like a cat, drooling like an animal, kneeling like a slave, whatever magical it is, it is that joy in seeing her that way that fills my heart with peace and contentment. And through that, it’s wondrous to that other side of me as well.
It also gets me incredibly, achingly hard. But that’s not quite as important in the grand scheme of things…
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for coming to TED Talk. I appreciate you reading my words. Have a lovely day!
