Mental health and kink are becoming big right now. I am finding more and more people talking about it, unlike Bruno. We don’t talk about Bruno. (Sorry, it’s stuck in my head) I’m learning how a lot of us have dealt with some sort of trauma before we have gotten into kink. Some of us have had trauma in kink and use it to heal. At the end of the day, we all are healing from kink. I think it’s because of the release of the good hormones. Some of us hit supsace or Domspace. We get all floaty and have this natural high going.
As you continue to read this, I wanted to share with you where kink has helped me get through some tough times in my life. Why it’s a hard time for me to leave this lifestyle. Maybe one day I will. Maybe, I’ll be that old grandma still in the lifestyle. That will be the day my grandkids getting into it. (Don’t have yet)
When I started to become active in the scene it was in 2018. I had already released back in 2016 from being clean of self harm. I was trying to stay a year clean. I wasn’t there yet. Only just a few months. When the unthinking about happened. I was hurt in the lifestyle. For the first time I felt like people believed me. Some actually understood me. This was so new to me. My vanilla life this wouldn’t happen.
When I had my first scene with someone in July 2018. Holy shit, it was like everything was gone around me. My mind was clear. My mind was relaxed. I was learning new things.. From being tied up for the first time ever to so many other amazing things. I am so thankful that they happened.
As I went on in the lifestyle o had more and more scenes. At first I needed a lot of pain to calm my demons. I just didn’t know it at the time. People around me saw my demons getting quieter. They saw me getting happier. They were seeing it was taking less and less pain before I could call it.
Even rope and wax is some of my favorite things to do in this community. Which I do switch in both now. My mind relaxes so fast the moment I pick up the items. I feel the tension slowly leave my body. From being tied so tight to tying someone. It’s the same with wax. I love the first drop of wax to the last drip.
The thing with wax it feeds my self harm addiction. I started self harm when I was 12/13 years of age. It was after some bad things happened to me. When people take off wax they tend to use a knife. I use to freak the fuck out. It was because my demons would laugh and have such a beautiful time with it. What I didn’t know is that when someone else was taking off my wax they were also calming me. I learned in those times my demons want to play harder. I can outsmart them. I play with wooden knives instead lol. They hate it and just laugh at them. It’s a much safer and healthier way to play with wax and knives.
Here I am in 2022 looking back between 2016 and now. I can see how much I love TPE (total power exchange). I love that when I am in primal space. It lets me fight and be dominant for a moment and let out my aggression in such a healthy manner. Then let’s me be submissive at the end. Where I want to be at the end. I love that back and forth exchange. I don’t get to it that often.
My little space is like a huge reset button for me. It resets my whole mental health from being so overwhelmed. It only works when I can be little. Which is very hard for me too. Unless I’m on like 300mg of caffeine or more lol. Then I tend to be hyper bratty little lol
With all of this being said, kink helps me stay in check. I wish I had a play partner I could play with more than once a month. I love what I can get. It had helped a great deal for my mental health lately. Especially with all the work I have put in therapy.
Even though during this writing my ass still hurts from the other night. I sit here and smile. Remember how much I love this feeling. How much I love this community. I have felt so refreshed. I have felt so depressed the last several days. Like oober depressed. That had helped my brain get back in check. It’s because of all the Happy hormones released.
I’d you have stuck with me this long, thank you. I hope you have seen how this community and kink can work together for some. I hope it can bring you happy healing as it has me.