When I post my writings on FetLife I will cross post them to other platforms. I do that for many reasons, to educate the newcomers. Sometimes, it’s just a way to see how far I have come in this walk. In one of the forums I posted a writing. They were telling me that they find triggers in kink. It seriously got me to think about my own journey. Seriously, how I got, well, here today.
I have had triggers since I was 13 years old. I didn’t even know what it was. I experienced my first panic attack at that age. I was terrified. All I knew was my boyfriend at the time touched me, then I flipped out. From then on I had to learn how to deal with this trigger and now panic attacks.
Raise your hand if you like choking?
Yeah, me too. It can be a trigger for me. You probably have this curious look on your face right now. You may be thinking “if she likes choking, how can it be a trigger?” For me, it wasn’t always a trigger. I was choked til I blacked out at the age of 34 years old. The Dominant I was seeing thought he could scare me. He thought by choking me harder and harder I’d be scared enough then he’d let go. I never let into my fear. Instead I was choked til I blacked out.
At times it’s hard for a person to place their hand around my neck. Sometimes I’ll grab their wrists to stop them. It’s all reflex for me. They come forward and I grab them, now I’m safe.
Raise your hand if you like people to grab your wrists? For rope play or other types of play?
Yeah, me too. God, I love my hands cuffed in rope. If I hit subspace too deep while in rope I begin to freak out. I feel like I’m being drug our my front door again, not always. I work through this by telling the person I’m playing with “we have to negotiate you touching my wrists each time we play.” If we don’t negotiate my wrists being played with, I get triggered and badly.
What about the back of the neck?
Do you like your Dom grabbing your neck from behind to assert his Dominance over you. In this case I don’t. It brings up the time I was forced to class with my boyfriends, at the times hand around my neck pushing me to class. The bruises he left for people to find. No one believed me. On occasion someone will touch me there. I have to negotiate it like my wrists.
Triggers happen in this lifestyle. Sometimes when you least expect them.
Trauma and Rope:
https://talischaoticworld.blogspot.com/2022/03/trauma-and-rope.html?m=1
Knife Play… Hard Limit:
https://talischaoticworld.blogspot.com/2022/03/knife-play-hard-limit.html?m=1
I have those two writings which I wrote about when triggers happen when you least expect it. Both were very much growing opportunities for me. Triggers can be a hard thing to face while I’m a scene. The important thing to remember is have someone you trust 100% with no questions. Someone who can get you out of those triggers as quickly as you get in.
What worked for me, may not work for you. These are only a few things that had happened. I hope this brings you all some comfort that you are not alone in this journey.