Kup's korner

A small space to call my own....

Stages...

3 years ago. April 23, 2021 at 5:12 PM

First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been kind. I look forward to getting to know you all better.

Second is...since posting my first blog yesterday, my inbox is now flooded with messages. Some are nice, but mostly it's fake doms wanting to know my kinks, limits, and so on. I don't mind sharing basics, but as a sub, I feel like most doms miss the first stage.

In my mind, the d/s relationship has four stages. Infant, child, teenage, then adult. It's easier for me to process that way. I'll explain the first here, and maybe post the others if anyone would like to know them from my point of view.

For me personally, I think a d/s relationship should go through four stages. All equally important, but the first one is special. After all, it is the beginning of something wonderful. The dom is like a parent, the sub like an infant. The sub needs to be nurtured, feel safe and secure, bonding and trust is developed here. It's not about sex and kinks at this point. Nothing extreme, no punishment given. It's a learning experience for the sub.

Stage one- infant....Like with a baby, the dom has to learn about the sub. What makes them happy, sad, angry, ect...explore, find out likes and dislikes, get to the subs core.

Basically this is where the dom learns everything about the sub that he can. In turn, it's also a chance for the sub to get to know the dom. The baby is also learning how to please the dom. Praises are given to let them know they are doing good.

Once there is a good foundation here, you can move on to the child stage. (More fun ☺)

P.s. if you want to know the kink side, you have to know the vanilla side. Otherwise it's just kinky sex.

K y i v - Exactly....the first stage is endless. It may even be months before a jump to stage 2.

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - People who are looking for a hookup aren't necessarily "fake" doms.

There are people here who aren't looking to collar someone for life. They're looking for kinky sex. That doesn't give you, or anyone else the right to call them a fake.

Not trying to be harsh, but you don't have a monopoly on kink.

3 years ago

CSI - Then they should be clear about that. If they are here for kinky sex, great. They need to let people know. Tops are not necessarily dominants, and people that are here for kinky sex are not necessarily tops or dominants. This is why I harp on knowing who you are and what you have to offer before moving into anything

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - If a site has blogs and dating sections then there is no need to advertise that you are here for a function of the site.
Top and dom being a distinction is totally unnecessary and alien. Again, that's bot an aspect of kink that you can monopolize. Dominance need not be long form while topping is short form. That's artificial.

3 years ago

CSI - But that goes right to the heart of the matter: a person may have dominant traits but not be a dominant. They may also be domineering and not be dominant. They may not want to participate in dynamics outside of the bedroom and that is fine. But that is why some dominants are sometimes called fakes: simply because dominants, as defined by many, means those that participate in power exchange dynamics and not just in kinky sex.

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - Again, arbitrary.
I didn't sign any contract defining these terms, so why should I accept this definition?
I am dominant in a sexual context. I.e., a dom. I seek a submissive person in a sexual context. I.e., a sub.

That's it. Anything beyond that is arbitrary, best left to private discussion, and frankly asinine.

3 years ago

CSI - You enjoy your hobby of kinky sex and I will enjoy my way of life. Cheers

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - Nice attempt to sidestep my point. Maybe try reading my profile before making assumptions?
I am saving myself for marriage for crying out loud. I don't have to be a "kink" type dom to realize that there is unfair criticism leveled against them.

You do not have a monopoly on kink or bdsm. Thank God.

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Maybe try understanding the lifestyle yourself? She is not your submissive, what makes your opinion so important to her, that she should agree with you?
Go and learn about the lifestyle.

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - Restate that exact sentence, but switch the subject.
Unlike her, I am not trying to add completely arbitrary rules to everyone.
She doesn't need to be my sub for me to call bullshit. Welcome to open forums.

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Call bullshit? Yes she can call Bulshit as much as she likes. Submissives are in charge not Doms! To come on site like this and call rules that ensure safety of this community arbitrary is like putting a massive neon sign saying newbie.

This lifestyle was born out of the military.

She isn't yours, stop imposing your will on her. That's not SSC or RACK

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - You are utterly misreading me. Whether out of spite or incompetence, it's irrelevant.

Calling someone who is looking for a hookup a fake dom is wrong. They're just looking for a hookup.
Calling someone who is dominant in the bedroom vs. 24/7 is wrong. They're just dominant in certain contexts.
That has absolutely NOTHING to do with safety. Don't try to make this about safety so you can try to grandstand your imagined moral superiority.

And no. The lifestyle has its origins in Marque De Sade, from whom the WORD sadist derives its origin.

Yall have no more right to demand that people follow your definitions than any dom has the right to demand subservience.

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Good luck mate, you just did this to yourself.
Your assumptions and thinking are being challenged. I suggest you rise to the occasion.

You go be a sub without those rules, let me know how it works out for you. No trust no relationship building (as someone who appears so interested in psychology, steryotypicly i might add, what your suggesting is actually damaging) you can't boss someone round without RACK or SSC with no openness, no dynamic, no trust. Then after all that just gone, as though that doesn't impact on the other person. Any your calling me incompetence or spiteful because i follow these guidelines and i suggest you look at them too.

Your not helping yourself.

3 years ago

CSI - You seriously need to do more research on what BDSM actually is and where it originated. Please do yourself and others a favour.

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - Ok, yall are fucking nuts.

I pushed back against definitions you haveade and suddenly, what, I am an abuser?

Bdsm. Bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism.
If you're into that, you're into bdsm.
If you're into dominance, you are a dom.
If you're into submission, you're a sub.
If you want to hookup, you can.
If you want to lifestyle, you can.
At what point did I say to engage in risky behavior?

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Wow dude, seriously you need to do some research. Try to be open minded her. Maybe these things exist for a reason?

3 years ago

CSI - Actually, it's bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. But I am sure you and your worldly self already knew that

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Very brat like pushing boundaries hmmm...

3 years ago

CSI - Also, you can be into dominance and not be a dominant. You can be into submission and not be a submissive. There is a mindset that goes along with it.

3 years ago

CSI - Actually, your most recent blog says it is a hobby, so no assumptions have been made. Hope your experiences improve, but for now I will leave this here, because we are deviating from the intent of this specific blog, which is that you need to take the time to get to know someone before jumping into sex and kink. Just my 2 cents

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Agreed. X

3 years ago

K y i v - I hate to hijack her post but perhaps Insta-Doms is a better moniker?

3 years ago

CSI - Agreed

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Kink and BDSM are not the same thing. Many take that statement as an insult, it's not intended as one. If your kink awesome. If your BDSM - awesome. But they are not mutually exclusive or the same thing. Not being clear about this can cause really bad miscommunication between people. They aren't on the same page so to speak.

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - Yes, kink is an umbrella term, while bdsm is specific. Everyone into bdsm is into kink, while not everyone into kink is into bdsm.

If you cannot communicate your specific desires, the issue is NOT the definition of terms.

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Not true, you can have BDSM without kink. Thats what stage one it.

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Comment deleted by poster.

3 years ago

CSI - I do love the idea of looking at it in stages. You have to crawl before you can walk and you have to walk before you can run. Great blog :)

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - I like that too, its a good way of explaining it.
Mant jump to the i like these things do x y z for me. When asked why should i, they can't answer. Its because trust hasn't been built.

Why expect someone you barely know to do some of the hardesr trust exercises that have ever existed?

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - This is why every Dominant in leather community was a sub at some point, so they know what it takes. The level of trust, the honesty and faith you put in the person opposite you to be able to do these things. They are bonding experiences, not just for the hell of it or to tick off a list for the sake of brownie points.

3 years ago

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Kupkake82​(sub female)

Kup's korner

Stages...

Kupkake82(sub female)