New brain dump:
I was feeling morose since a few days but have been feeling alright today. I read a manga (Japanese comic) and sometimes that stuff can inspire me a lot. It is all imaginary, fantasy and not related to real life at all but somehow people world over have been inspired by hope as portrayed in movies, manga, comics, books, etc. (something where conclusion in most scenarios is for the better and known) but we all know, real life isn't so and we need to take each hour, each day as it comes and no matter how bad, need to rise up the next day and can only face forward.
But how to face forward? (when we feel screwed, helpless, fearful, unprepared, disappointed, frustrated, irritated, betrayed, and all such bad emotions which hold us back, either they be a result of our own efforts or by other's efforts)
I am an average guy (financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually). I was told I was an academic genius but distractions got the better of me sometimes and my tastes, my understanding of things were not usual (ordinary things, not kink related things), but just different from most around me, which led to me being a minority in the way to approach things and led me having an inferiority complex, shyness, be emotionally defensive
I always gravitated to the good in people. Growing up, I, naively, did not understand that people could be selfish, jealous, manipulative, and many other things. I was always straightforward in my dealings, too simple minded (not dumb, but naive) and it wasn't glamorous. I still can't manage to be selfish and I definitely think it is my weakness.
I was always ONLY attracted to the pure and highest form of a mastery and geniuses in any field. If I had to work with someone, they had to be flawless and masters in their field. If I got to know they were adopting shortcuts or used to falter, it would disappoint me. I loved achieving or at least giving full effort for perfection in any work I did. Where did that lead me? Lead me to getting work reviews as being meticulous, hard working, analytical, great colleague to work with but a slow employee, slow decision maker, slow finisher, over worked, not the best team player. I was opposite of all things associated with "just get done with it and move on" capitalist kind of work environment and I never flourished to the extent I could have. I deserved about 40% of it but not all.
Regarding how to face forward, the thing I look for in geniuses and the masters who have reached the pinnacle (maybe they did so by taking the path I hate/don't grasp), is their undying passion, love and cheerfulness to reach till the end of their goal, NO MATTER WHAT.
The ingredients of passion, love and cheerfulness can take someone a long way because crazy passion is required to reach the levels which a master has attained, love is needed to so ultimately the process/the path does not feel burdensome and cheerfulness is needed when things just don't go your way.
Knowing you have passion, love what are doing and knowing that with time, it will take you ahead even though today was a failure, gives you a reason to not be dejected but stay cheerful and FACE FORWARD WITH A SMILE and banish all the negative emotions.
