Hey there, it's been a minute.
I've been quietly lurking here in The Cage off and on for a while now, silently checking in every few weeks. I have only just now found myself with a desire to say more, only to be taken aback by the fact that it has been 4 years since I was present here with any sort of regularity.
Time is the eternal march, after all. Always moving forward, stopping for no one, no matter how much one might beg and plead. That's a lesson I think I've learned well, right alongside the fact that certain things in life are inevitable.
The reason for the break in my silence: I was reading through a blog post here today that got me reflecting on the way that time had changed me in both my everyday life and in the way I practice kink (shout-out to the lovely Bunnie who seems to always have something thought provoking to share).
It's amazing how much older I feel now in heart, mind, and soul than I did the last time I felt the need to paste my words here for anyone to see.
The weight of experience has been heavy as of late, and I find myself wishing for the lighter days, when the worst thing to happen to me was the end of a relationship or something as trivial as things not quite working out the way that I wanted them to.
The world feels heavier now than it did in those simpler times, but the weight just means those moments of joy and equilibrium are that much more precious now.
My life has become less about chasing the things that I want with reckless abandon, and more about waiting for those things to come to me. That's not to say I won't put in the effort when things are worth it, but I think I'm less driven by the thirst for experience now, and am more searching for quality. (That can probably just be attributed to the fact that I've realized that my life will not last forever, and in fact at this stage will likely be much shorter than most's). Quality is far greater than quantity, especially when it comes to time.
That weight of time has also given me a confidence that I don't think I possessed before. A self-assuredness in the way that I exist that is more quiet and true than what I believe to be the more boisterous, semi put-on confidence of my youth.
This is probably the most visible change in me, definitely the most relevant in the context of The Cage, and it all stems from the fact that I've realized that I have nothing to prove. Being a 'good' dominant, or even just a good person, doesn't mean playing to the norms, putting out the 'right image', or following some obtuse set of 'rules' that differ with every person you speak to. There isn't a cheat code, or a Ten Commandments, no matter how enthusiastically you might search for one after finding your way here.
Now, I'm not about to be bold enough to try to tell you what being a good dominant is actually about because I think I'll be trying to learn the ins and outs of that one for the rest of my life. In my humble opinion, that is the truth about living and experiencing kink in a healthy way. Always learning.
But, after all that is said and done, the most important thing that time has taught me is this: myself and those I interact with in a meaningful way are the only people who I need to impress or prove anything to. Beyond a healthy degree of consideration for those around me, everything else just doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things. I wish someone would have told me that sooner, or maybe just said it to me in a way that I listened.
But that is youth in a nutshell, isn't it? Learning things the hard way. After all, the weight of time is sometimes the best and only teacher.
To anyone reading my late night impulsive ramblings, I hope the weight of time is kind to you.
- Ceus
