dear father.
You died when I was only a year old. When I was a child I didn’t understand. I had no memory of you and therefore no idea why it was important for me to know. They told me you died of food poisoning, but as I got older I learned the truth. It was suicide. I know you were fighting demons no one knew about dad, but so am I. You’ve left so many unanswered questions that keep me up at night when I wish you were here. I used to pretend that you faked your death and you were living on the other side of the country with a new family that you loved and adored. Did you think about what you were doing when you did it? Did you think about the daughter you left behind and how it would affect her ever day? Do you know that grandma can’t even say your name without breaking down in tears? Even thought it’s been 21 years ago. Do you know my mom can’t look me in the eyes sometimes because I do or say something that reminds her of you? Do you know how bad it hurts thinking that my own father didn’t want me so much that he killed himself? I know now that wasn’t the case but as a child that’s what I firmly believed. You’d rather take your own life than tough it out like I’ve been doing for YEARS without help. You have impacted every part of my life in a negative way because you chose to die. You’ve affected everyone in my family. No one is comfortable talking about you because sometimes it makes me so upset I get physically sick. Dad this is my goodbye to you. I hope you’re resting in peace. I hope you realized what you’ve done to your daughters life before you passed.
