Master and the Sub

As I sit here in front of the computer, bourbon coursing through my body just so I can sleep 6 hours without pain or nightmares I ponder why I exist on the planet? As I have told a few friends I have been at death's doorstep many times and by all count's of physics should be dead and a past memory for anyone who has known me. I have been told I have a purpose to fulfill but for the life of me after all the hell I have endured in this life why or what is so important to make me suffer everyday, alone and no one to talk to about the thoughts and fears that consume me on most days. I have not a brother anymore, my friends have there own lives, and I can't talk with my parents about the things that concern me, alone I must face the day. I have hope in part of me and a demon that pulls at me to leave this place, I only hope to win the battle against him. My battle goes on everyday, for as long as I have walked this wonderful world, someday I hope to find the happiness i have seek all my life or at least feel that my life has been worth something to someone. As the song says do you ever feel wanted, do you ever feel needed,do you ever feel happy or are you just like me. Hanging by a thread, a rope a noose around my neck cause every time I fall in love, love falls out of me.