Master and the Sub

I have walked through this life for over half a century, as a young cub I have been hurt both physically and mentally which has left emotional scars that seem to never heal. I created my demon during these times to protect me from the hurt and pain it came at a cost, keeping people at a distance so as they could not hurt me but also not knowing how kindness and love felt. I can love someone and always show how much by my words or actions, but I seemed to have lost the ability to feel it myself, I hear the words and feel nothing. It was many years later when I met my first lioness, my walls I built lowered but I never torn them down, my demon wouldn't let me. 22 years later my lioness used her claws to rip open my chest, leaving me wounded, hurt, betrayed. Soon after in a doctor induced drug coma I felt the bullet pass through my body leaving a path of destruction taking two organs and damaging more all done by my own hand. The bullet is still in my chest to remind me of my mistakes and those I trusted betrayed me. Years later I met my second lioness she was nothing like my first (so I thought) different markings different stature. She encouraged, enticed and brought out the master in me.I found a life I had always wanted, things went well until my path crossed with the first lioness in a battle for my home. The second lioness was filled with resentment she blamed me for the things others did, things I couldn't change in life, again I felt the claws cut deep leaving me wounded, hurt and angry, my demon built the walls and stood guard once again. I told myself I will probably spend my life alone, I have the physical scars, mental scars, emotional scars, no one will ever love a broken person like me. I join this site, not sure what to find, I meet some incredible people I like to call my friends. They are special and always give damn good advice when I get lost, I try to help them also to the best of the life I have lived. I had seen her profile and two thoughts went through my mind she is younger than me and I don't think I'm her type so I leave no message. I wrote a blog post and i get a message from her, I say thank you for the comment and hope the best for her in life. One message leads to another, a bond is formed, one day a phone call which lasted 14 hours. She heard all about my life, my past two lionesses everything and she was still on the phone. I didn't know what to think, I was confused, my lioness is a young, beautiful, intelligent, energetic, loving person. I am an aged lion for which life has left it's scars and my walls have a demon standing near. After more conversations my lioness has been hurt by life, has all of the same scars as me, we are two separate broken pieces that fit together perfectly. She started tearing down my walls, my demon backed away but when the walls started to crumble my feeling were exposed and this left me questioning her. I made her cry which was not my intention, I have a hard time fathoming anyone ever loving me, something instilled from my childhood and life. My lioness loves me more than I love myself at times but I love her more than life itself for that, i can't imagine my life or a day without her. Thanks two a genetic genes derived from two parents I have depression on occasion and my feeling and my demon don't help with it. She fights me when it happens and when I insist she could do better than me, she fights and tells me I am the one for her and she want's only me, I can't believe what a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving person she is. I do know that if for whatever reason she was no longer in my life, it would probably be my last wound  the one that would cut  my chest deep enough so I could just lay down close my eyes and hope I would be release from this life.