Good morning everyone, hope you're all doing well on this Thursday morning.
A little laughter to start your day. For the most part I do all the cooking, take care of the pets, clean the house, do to me being retired for a better word. My beautiful Hazel works and goes to school online so I don't want her distracted from her homework.
Now on days that she has off she fixes dinner on occasion or we go out to give me a break. Last night she she made burritos which consisted of ground beef, onions,black beans, pinto beans, mexican corn, green chilies, all delivered in a dinner plate sized tortilla.
As she whizzed through the kitchen, cooking the meat, combining the multiple ingredients with love and finally bringing it all together like a fancy sports car she exclaimed dinner is done.
They were delicious, Hazel loaded up a rather large one, I went for normal topped with sour cream, cheese, and sauce. Was so good I had another one but this time in a smaller sized tortilla.
After dinner, my beautiful lioness went for a bath while I worked on laundry, several other things that needed to be done. After her bath, she was off to do homework while I finished with the laundry.
A couple hours later after her homework was done we decided to finish watching the remaining episodes of bonding. For anyone who hasn't seen it yet it's on Netflix and I highly recommend it. Thanks dollmaker for the insight to the show.
Now I had my snack of choice, some ritz crisp, and Hazel decided to get some of the burrito filling and some tostitos scoops we were all set. Several episodes in and her insides decide that nows a good time for gas.
Now let me explain something right here. In the well over a year since we've been together up until Tuesday night I have never heard her pass gas. I told her she wasn't human, If she didn't fart she must be an alien. As I do most every night I tuck her in bed, turn out the light, tell her I love her and shut the door. That night as I'm closing the door she says want to hear something and lets one rip. I couldn't have been more proud, I applauded her, told her now I know that she is human and closed the door. Just in case, you know why.😳🤣🤣
So as we sat there trying to watch the show, she is getting up and heading for the bathroom. Pause show, she returns, off again, pause again. I get up to get a drink, return to the living room and the look on her face told me stay away. She's passing gas, crop dusting the living room, severing up air biscuits, releasing the air hound from hell, the barking spider, whatever you want to call it.
She starts looking up things that might help from the internet, yoga poses, so while she is in the middle of the floor doing strange stuff I can't help but think maybe we should socially distance at this point I relay this to her, dirty look then a laugh. I am smoking at the time, she might be highly flammable, one never can be too safe.
At one point she makes the comment no more beans or corn. So about 10:30 PM we are headed to the store for some Gas X she is miserable and I am going to get in trouble for the jokes. Now it's 9 degrees here so I say to her as were leaving the house, can you just imagine when they find us, how did they die, well it seems they suffocated from the stench. She replied, crashed the car, should have just rolled down the windows.
Thank goodness the store is close and I drive fast. Get back home, finally finish the last few episodes with her feeling better. Get her tucked in bed, I lightly smack her on the ass, then in horror realize that I could have been killed for it. Quickly say my good night and leave her to sleep.
As I finish up my nightly stuff, it hits me this morning. That undeniable rumbling in you that can only be described as a warning it's time. As I sat there praying it would move though like black Friday shoppers through the doors of the store with the best sale prices I realized I was trapped.
A bathroom, a private place, one can be naked, enjoy a hot shower, enjoy your thoughts from a long day in the tub. Nope you're trapped with you, every minute of that smell. Something as Hazel says, smells like a dead skunks ass. Nowhere to run, praying that the fart fan will remove the smell before you pass out from the stench.
Wouldn't have guessed so much distress in one word Dinner. Now I can only hope and pray I'm asleep when it hits my beautiful lioness. Once and I reiterate that once smelling that was enough.
Hope you all have a wonderful day, think twice before you get that burrito for lunch, just saying.
