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What is happiness. I sometimes wonder that question. I know you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Yes there is times I can't even look in a mirror if I'm being honest. I have always been told I deserve to be happy. At the time I think yeah i do. Then I look around and i really look at myself. Start to wonder ok yes i deserve to be happy. Why haven't I ever found it. Im going on 40 years old in a few months. When I find someone that I am happy with they are not happy with me or there is something there that has to do with what's going on that is making them unhappy. I know not everything has to do with me. I do take blame for where I fuck up at. I have no problem with that part. I have never had a problem walking away when things are over. I don't understand why it is when I find myself having problems doing so when it comes to someone I really care about. Even know i should walk away but I can't do it. I told them how I feel and well you can guess how that went. I try to always be there when they need me even it is cost me and no I'm not talking about money. Even know it does cost money to go see them. But I always tell them that it was either me coming to do what ever is needed or i would be home doing nothing. Maybe playing a video game or watching TV. I'm not sure what one it would be. No it wouldn't matter what it is that I would be doing because I would still go do what they need me to do. Even if it is just some one to hangout with or something else depending on what it is. Again I know I need to find my happiness. Its just getting to the point where if I'm not doing something with them then I'm not happy. Yes I know that sounds like a sub. Yes i have been single for far to long. Ok i know this. But when you truly love someone sometimes it doesn't matter what roll you are it just matters about what makes you happy.