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Right now I feel so lost. That I can’t find my way back to there I use to be. My demons are getting louder. I pray for the silence. But it never comes. I sit here wondering what m I doing with my life. This can’t be what I was put here for. The voices in my head are getting louder and louder. I don’t know what to do. Anymore I am feeling so lost. I don’t know if I will ever be able to find me again. The depression and the bipolar is starting to kick my ass and I don’t know if I have the strength to keep fighting. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. I feel like no matter what I do. I can not win this battle. I try not to give up but then the voices start to ask why are you fighting so hard to keep going. Why are you still fighting us when all we want is to be set free. I keep telling the voices if I let y’all free there will be nothing left of who I am or who I want to be. I know I haven’t wrote anything on here in a long time. It is just right now I am going through a really hard time. Yes I know everyone goes through a hard time and they keep going. But I’m getting to the point where I’m starting to question why am I still here. Why am I still fighting. I feel so alone, I feel so useless, I feel like I will never be able to get out of these shadows where I have been for so long. The shadows are getting darker and darker as do my thoughts. I have lost my angel. I had to let her go it wasn’t something I wanted to do. But I knew I could not be there for her when I can’t even be there for myself. No I have no plans on ending my own life. So there is no need to worry about that. I’m just feeling so lost right now. I don’t know what to do. This is not a plea this is not a  shout out for help. I will get through this I will be whole again.