Skyscrapers are designed to sway.
Millions of pounds of concrete and hardened steel, and the biggest threat to their purpose is the mere wind.
I think there’s a Dom stereotype. At least in books: his features are chiseled, he towers over most, he has harsh rules and he is unyielding.
They sound weak to me.
Being in a dynamic/relationship requires flexibility. Human beings are incredibly complicated. We grow and change. Unpredictable things happen.
Even a bond with the most dedicated submissive who craves following rules is going to run into challenges. Maybe there’s a rule that she can’t conscionably follow, maybe her tastes have changed, or maybe she’s grown out of a certain part of the dynamic. Maybe structure and rules are simply not her flavor.
How does a Dom respond then? Is he flexible in the wind? Does he stay true to his purpose—which should be to look out for her best interests— or does he buckle to the turbulence?
In books, we often find that the disagreement was a simple misunderstanding. Other times the flaws in the Dom and sub magically complement each other to bring the dynamic/relationship between through the challenge.
But real life doesn’t work that way. Real life, real relationships involve polarizing disagreements, fundamentally different perspectives, and the answer simply cannot be that the Dom makes a rule and the sub had better obey. That is a ticket to disaster, and an indication that this Dom has pretty severe “daddy issues” of his own.
Too many Doms sound like a brown blade of grass. It stands stiff and proud, but it snaps under slight pressure, for in its pride it is also dead.
Anything that remains still is a recipe for death and disease. True strength—living strength—is the green blade of grass that springs up though trampled. It is the blue sea that throws in and out, harboring life and preventing decay. A sea that does not move would quickly become an expanse of noxious death.
Living requires flexibility. I expect a good man and a good Dom to laugh more than the ones in the books, have more self awareness than the fictional men, seek out his true strength for the sake of his own nature.
A dynamic/relationship must be a living, breathing, changing thing. To be involved in bdsm isn’t to accept a role, it is to accept that role as a starting place, knowing that you must grow. Both for the ones you bond with and for yourself.
