Doms first blog

Expressing everything I want to about Bdsm and my life in general

I have just today (technically yesterday cuz its past midnight) realized that the old adage that nothing worth doing is ever easy applies to my interest in BDSM. I figured it would be wise to lay out a series of priorities as a dom in order to become a more well rounded dominant. As long as I commit to making a decent effort, I feel it would also demonstrate that Im not just another one of those fuckboys who call themselves doms because it boosts their pretentious ego, as I have learned plenty of “doms” are that.

So here are my priorities in no official order.

1. Learn everything I can about BDSM practices. How to train subs certain things, what I I should know as a dom, how to improve my side of performance, etc. This is gonna be the biggest one for sure as it seems theres a lot I need to know, being so new. Ive been pointed in the way of some books and youtube tutorials and of course theres the BDSM community in general.

2. Work on my physical attractiveness. This means losing weight by diet and exercise (things Ive struggled with for a long time) as well as learn how to present my face better. Beyond that, things like dick size, body shape, height and my face in general are not changeable without certain surgery, so I hope this will be enough.

3. find a local sub. I’ve been so excited about finding a sub that Ive started asking every local sub girl on fet.com to be my sub. I know now that my approach needs to be more respectful, much more patient, and more compassionate. While I obviously would love to find a sub, I know now to do so in a way that makes me seem less desperate.

4. Expand my toy inventory. No explanation really needed here. There are still some types of toys I dont have yet.

5. Reach a better financial situation. While this is more of a general life goal, it applies here too. I make very little money and I still live with my parents so there are things in my life right now that make having a sub difficult irl for a variety of reasons. Once Im able to move out however, this sort of thing is going to work out much better for me

notsounsureanymore - Honestly number 2 shouldn’t matter, it’s about connecting with someone on a mental, emotional level. Once you have that connection then looks (in my opinion) are irrelevant. I thought my Sir was gorgeous before I had even seen physically seen him because of who he is and how he made me feel. Take your time, get to know a person, talk about anything and everything, vanilla and kink. Once you’ve built a solid basis of friendship then the other stuff could just fall into place.

5 years ago

thirstyharley(dom male) - Im aware of the implication that looks don’t matter. Everyone wants to say it, everyone wants to believe it, but it truly does seem to me that too few hold themselves to the standard that personality traits and social connectedness are legitimately the most important thing. Thats been my experience in the vanilla world and even for a niche like this, Im not willing to hold a different viewpoint, though your testimony is noted as evidence towards different attitudes towards looks.
Besides all of that though, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t guilty of this superficial mindset. So I figure if Im going to be taking looks into account when considering a sub, its courteous to hold myself to a better standard.
I do hope you’re right though.

5 years ago

Litlegrl(sub female){Dragon11} - Comment deleted by poster.

5 years ago

Litlegrl(sub female){Dragon11} - I agree with notsounsure. My Dom was sexy from the get go. Did I see his picture right away? No. But he showed me through actions and words that he's handsome. You say you base your opinion on what you've seen and dealt with in vanilla. But that's not the same. Vanilla me is a mother of three, very proper and much more controlling. But with my Dom I am very submissive. Why the difference between vanilla and kink? Because I have to. So I have different mindsets. Does it mean my Dom is less attractive in vanilla? Hell no. I'd have still found him hot. But my point is, if you have number 1 down, 2 and 4 won't matter. Toys can be simple clothespins, a wooden spoon, hairbrush, etc. It's knowing what to do ths

5 years ago

Litlegrl(sub female){Dragon11} - That makes it fun. Sorry, I'm not quite awake and finger keeps slipping on phone lol

5 years ago

thirstyharley(dom male) - Im willing to accept this particular difference with vanilla and bdsm over time when proven wrong. Im still new to all of this.

5 years ago

thirstyharley(dom male) - As far as toys are concerned though, the more the merrier. I don’t need a small number of interesting ways to play with my sub when I can have a larger number of ways with more variety available. Thats just me though.

5 years ago

MsNevermore(other female) - A good starting outline. Somethings off the top of my head and limited time to reapond.
1. You will never learn everything so stick to the areas that interest you. The basics are safety negotiations and etiquette. Highly recommend the book Playing Well with Others. Reading from front to back and actually filling out a negotiations sheet about yourself to learn who you are before all else.

2. Work on your stature and confidence before your outward appearance. I personally have been more attracted to a man who carried 300 lbs well over a slim muscled man who slouched and whined. True story.
3. Find your local community. Find friends, mentors, teachers and friends. This isn't being a kirby sales man knocking on 100 doors to find the one person who let's you in. You need to know who you are and establish a circle of community. Then you'll know and find those in like with you. No sense trying to sell a vacume to one with just hard wood floors, right?

4. Again, find what interests you. Master that one toy. Practice practice practice on chairs, pillows, yourself before on another person. Find classes and watch others. Build slowly. Its better to have one or two that you are master of than a box full that you handle inadequately. Quality over quantity every damn time.

5. Should be everyone's goal. Just remember that ones financial situation should not be the reason one is with another. Find the one that would take a shoe string collar if that's all you either can or will offer. If you're having to sell yourself off your bank account....keep looking.

Michigan has a HuGe community (use to live there) envious of you ;) Wish you well.
Do what Ye will Harm Ye none
MsN

5 years ago

thirstyharley(dom male) - Good to know michigan has a huge community. I was beginning to think otherwise. Thanks for the tips!

5 years ago

thirstyharley(dom male) - Good to know michigan has a huge community. I was beginning to think otherwise. Thanks for the tips!

5 years ago

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thirstyharley​(dom male)

Doms first blog

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thirstyharley(dom male)