I find myself waiting, holding my breath and I'm not quiet sure for what. It's like a heavy cloud has crossed over me and I'm just so so tired. Listless-over it. It keeps getting harder to fight it, so much easier to just let go and not think on it. Just let it wash over me like a wave, dragging me slowly under. It's safer when you go under, the pressure is like a firm, calming embrace. The tossing like a rocking, the cold is not so bad, it's like how I feel inside, comfortably numb.
I kept trying to escape, now I realize it's actually where I feel most safe. Not having to wonder or worry, not try to impress or vie for attention. So I'll stay here in this comfortable numbness, where no one else dares to be, here below with my darkness, my oldest truest friend.