It's truly strange thought to know that you are happier alone than with someone else in your life. Not because you are not lonely or do not value companionship, but because there is something missing from the mixtures you've come across that fail to complete the combination and bring about a worthwhile result, because no matter how you view it, it takes an incredibly special person to make you WANT to change and commit and compromise, accommodate...bend to their will.
Like a recipe for bread or a perfect soufflé, if you don't have the right ingredients it will not rise, nor will it provide the enjoyment and delight that a true masterpiece can bring. That being said even with the right ingredients, if the correct methods are not followed the results may still be the same regardless. Not enough of something, too much or the incorrect of amount of time or strokes can make a master chef's perfect creation flop, and this is intricately more true in dealings of the heart and in relation to other people.
With BDSM in many ways this is simplified and can be easily delineated, there are many things that help one to fine tune and learn, grow, adapt to become that which their heart and inner being draws them to. In many ways experience can help as well as hinder, a Veteran sees ghosts and memories in every shadow, treads cautiously for fear of landing in a puddle or stepping into a deep chasm that swallows them up as they stumble head first into a hidden hole. For the novice everything is bright and shiny new, full of promise, hope and excitement. Yes every rose has it's thorns, every sunrise ends in a sunset and for every rainbow there has been a storm. Learning to manage these things despite of or in some cases embracing them and use them to grow and enrich self are for me some very important steps and lessons I revisit as things change and time trickles by.
I admire the master dancers as I see them twist and weave, I myself know I cannot dance as them but I also know that a true master could help weave me about just as he would someone who has been dancing all their life, and awaken in me something that answers his passion-if I can allow myself to let go, he can lead us both in a wondrous dance that makes spirits soar, giving me freedom and making me come alive in ways I've never felt before.
But for this to happen I need to let go and allow him to lead, allow myself to let go and take control. And herein lies the true dilemma, because there is a balance that always need to be maintained and one cannot simply give without a return, there is no power over another without relinquishing of control. In order for me to follow your lead I need to know your step is sure, and in order to read your movements and let the movements flow I need to be able to relax with you and be comfortable enough in my trust of you that you will guide us both as needed without allowing me to fall if I stumble. And there will be many a stumble this I know for sure.
In my time of actively seeking a Dominant I can only count three times I had strongly considered being collared, and of the three only one would have moved forward if the opportunity presented itself, alas distance as always became a deciding factor and that flame died out before it could take hold. It is a thing of beauty, to have one that is worthy of such a thing would be valuable beyond measure and delight to no end, which is why I am more than content to carry on alone rather than settling for less than my perfect soufflé.
So I applaud and admire all the adorable dancers with their amazing partners and watch, learn, grow in case I one day find such master that could be my own.
