W.I.F.M
Popular acronym and a great indicator of how the human mind usually operates in todays world and what most people are after, whether they'll admit it or not. I've read many posts recently where people mention Fetlife and how much different the Cage is to it, I've had many people try to tell me this too and sell me on the idea of it. I was on Fet very briefly before I discovered the Cage and for me the best I can compare it to is that on Fet it's all about sex. In your face, revel in it, dive right in unadulterated SEX. It oozes and leaps out at you in most everything on there, I've not seen a single part of it that does not in some way involve or revolve around it- I know that's the point of the site and I'm not complaining or being negative here but in the end it's all about visual, chasing and teasing-the in your face pussy and cock for lack of a better term. If that's what you're after then I'm super happy you've found it and you're into that kind of thing.
It just doesn't work that way with me is all. I'm not particularly into porn, for me visual is a minor blip on my radar and doesn't play a huge role in my experience and wants within BDSM. I'm sure that with the right person and in time those things would happen on their own and it would all be part of a wonderful and amazing experience, but truthfully that's not what I'm after.
I want the mental, the mind. The emotional bond, connection and stimulation that I've found (albeit only in increments but it's all good :D) here within the Cage community. I was immediately drawn in when I got here, it was like something just clicked and came alive. I feel like this is a lively and wonderful vibrant place I have found that allows me to just be me, without any worries or restrictions and where I'm able to meet amazing people, learn so very much and find deeper meaning and understanding of myself in so many wicked and wonderful ways.
For me it HAS and most likely WILL ALWAYS be about the brain behind the body, the mind and mental instead of the physical. I am a strange combination of Alpha submissive, some Liddle, lots Sapiosexual, completely Demisexual, extremely pansexual. I am a proud Bibliophile and love nothing more than learning, exploring and trying new things.
Now back to my original point of W.I.F.M. What's in It For Me?
Now as a naturally submissive person and a nurturer/caretaker at heart most of my life has not revolved around this, it's just not been my thing. I'm happiest when I'm looking after others, doing things that are for another's wellbeing and being of use/service. That being said this had led me to a lot of wonderful experiences in life but it has also in many ways made it very difficult in relationships and trying to find a Dominant I feel is worthy of my submission. Over the last few years I've begun to completely change things in my life, it's been a huge overhaul and a long journey (far from over to be sure) and much of this brings to light that I need to start taking much better care of myself.
Because up till now my life hasn't been about me or what I get out of it, and I'm not being a victim or feeling sorry for myself I am simply acknowledging that I need to do for myself just as much and MORE than I do for others because it's way overdue and because self neglect and lack of self care bleed over into all other aspects too. If I can't care for myself I won't be of any use to others in the long run, and most certainly not to my Dominant either, it all comes to balance and that is something I've been needing to find for a while.
Now to the crux of it all. The bulk of the conversations with "Doms" I've had primarily focus on the visual. The pictures and looks before anything else. It's like looking at the cover of a book to decide if it's worth reading or not, and I truly feel sorry for those who never take the time to read a book just because they don't like the picture on the front of it.
What do I gain by showing yet another "Dom" pictures of me yet again, what's in it for ME? How does whether or not I'm attractive enough to appeal to your physical tastes long enough to hold your attention while you chase other woman (and yes we all know there are other woman, it's a given).
There are endless pictures and videos and other woman freely available to give you what you're after in person or digitally, what on earth makes me so different-so "special" that my doing the exact same thing singles me out or raises my worth and value in your eyes?
Please explain to me how giving in and indulging YOU has anything in it for ME? Because it seems like this being our first interaction its about you, and that you're not looking at it from my perspective and at least getting to know me more to see if there's even a chance for connection.
Because without a potential for emotional connection you could be the most gorgeous man on the face of this planet and it would do diddly squat for me, yet you could be a beast in others eyes and if you've touched my heart the rest is yours. And likewise I could be the woman of your dreams but again if there is no bond there it's like trying to farm on salted land, nothing will grow.
I recall working with an older man, he was easily double my age at the time and he had a wonderful personality. We joked and played, had a good chemistry between us even though he was older than my actual Father. I had just done it for the first time with a douche of a guy that didn't make much time or effort, I was 26 and I'm sure he didn't really believe that I was still a virgin at the time (honestly I had thought I'd broken my own virginity a long time ago, long story for another blog-so imagine my surprise when I saw the blood on his sheets), and low and behold it was a one time thing. And I only even tried with this guy because I was curious about what all the fuss was, why everyone seemed to be so crazy about sex. Then I decided to try experimenting with this older guy, and I'll admit it was fun even though he was older and it was virtually my first time. And even though we both tried many times and many things, he could not get me to come. (Another story for another blog).
But the reason I'm mentioning him now is because this is a person I spent much time with, getting to know, worked with and saw constantly. And then he was gone for a long time traveling for work. And when he returned I was genuinely surprised to realize and see that he actually had tons of scars and marks on his face. I will assume it was from acne or an accident, either way it didn't make a difference to me, and I know given the texture and look of them they were many years old. But somehow I had just never "seen" them before, they were never something I was conscious of, because we had already built up an emotional bond and connection, and the physical was blurred and in many ways just a technicality.
The same thing happened with my ex-husband. The best and longest relationship I've ever had. We met at my place of work, it was Festive season and I was in work mode, I don't really recall meeting him so much as helping him look for certain products (I was in sales at the time) and then him asking me after we were done if I was single. Which really took me by surprise at the time and my default response would normally have been no, but for some reason something about him just made me reconsider and I told him that I was, and he then asked for my number, which I to this day deeply respect and admire him for. I didn't give him my number at the time because my phone didn't work, but he did track me down by using his till slip with my name and surname to track me down on Facebook at the time (clever guy, gotta love the effort <3). We then spent the next few months getting to know one another by (after I got my phone fixed), and when I eventually met him again I just remember seeing this guy walk towards me and he has this HUGE nose (he's Greek π ) and I'm just thinking oh lordy is this him?! I had absolutely no recollection of how he actually looked before, and yet again he touched my mind, and we bonded became best friend, which led to FWB and then eventually a 6 year relationship that didn't work out sadly as he was not Dominant and it was not meant to be. But he is still my greatest friend and we look out for one another even now, and I don't even notice the big nose :D.
Now you may be thinking if you've gotten this far in damn this girl is crazy no wonder she's still single, but I might point out that right now technically so are (most of) you, so clearly you're here for a reason and all I'm saying is I have enjoyed many MANY books, regardless of what I thought of their cover (literally and figuratively) and each time the most surprising ones were not best loved for their cover.
Thank you for reading and best of luck with those books! π
