"Ignore me, hahah! I'm just being an idiot--"
"Excuse me? What did you say?"
Uh oh-... I tense at the tone. Immediately I realize my error... It tumbled from my lips without my realization and it's too late to undo it.
He heard me.
"I...-- I said I was an idiot..."
"What are you?"
The tone is pointed. Easily able to slide into a knife's edge... I feel heat creep up my shoulders and neck, then bloom across my face. It's unnerving, I can almost feel his eyes narrowing at me.
"I'm your sub, Sir..."
"That's right. You do not insult what's mine. Try again."
I swallow thickly- I feel mildly foolish, like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Heat that washed over me before is now feeling like it's climbing into triple digits.
"I'm just being silly... Not an idiot.."
"Better. You're not an idiot. You're being playful and silly..."
He's right. I was acting foolish in my shenanigans and joking. Outright being silly.
Inwardly I repeat what he made me say. 'I'm just being silly... Not an idiot..'
Despite the misstep.. In a near insane thrilling rush- I'm almost giddy. I've seen others speak of being someone's. But someone to say I was his? That sweltering heat seems to engulf me on all sides. And I'm almost dancing within the flames.
I don't know if anyone took notice. But My tag switched from "Protected" to "considered"
I am now under the consideration of AshenFenrir. And so far it's been quite an experience. I'm thoroughly enjoying it so far and the road's just begun.He established some rules with me, and had me make a Mantra... And, like most subs. I've already endured punishment.
Nothing extreme. My mistakes were made by my own foolishness and mild naivety.
I'll learn from them. Do better, work harder.
I'm still learning, and I'm thankful Ash is patient enough to bear with me.
I've only experienced more of the "loving Dominant" side of things with my past relationship. So to have the shoe on the other foot is a completely other experience. One of which I didn't expect to enjoy as much as I am.
I'm... Not used to someone being attentive to me like so. And it's been a little scary opening up those 'doors' for him to see.
He wants to know who I am, even those darker sides of my personality and flaws.
Just as I am learning of him. Hell, even I'm learning more of myself as we go on.
I realize that whereas yes. I can be a switch. I definitely better fit the submissive role. However, I'm quite sassy. A lot sassier than I anticipated. I enjoy pushing His buttons and rules - but not breaking them.
(I've seen mixed comments about what a "Brat" is. Some cute/playful, some very negative. So I do not know if I should yet title myself such or if it'd be appropriate.)
I'm not entirely sure how to overly classify myself -- If at all at this point.
One big thing I'll do is playfully, I childishly stick my tongue out or blow raspberries. A lot.
Usually when it's something I don't overly want to hear, or if I'm just trying to provoke Him.
He keeps threatening he's going to grab my tongue. Truthfully, I'll have to resist the urge to bite. (I know if I actually bite, I'll be in for some severe reprimand and I dunno if I want that...)
I know fully well some Doms have 0 tolerance for that sort of behavior. So it makes me delighted to know Ash will put up with it a little bit.
(My biggest objective is to primarily make him laugh. Don't tell him I told you that though~ Despite the fact I know he'll be reading this blog entry.)
It's just surprising, how much I'm learning so rapidly about myself, and Ash too.
Here's to hoping I learn a lot more.