Truthfully, this blogpost is more of a "thought-spill." if anything. Just me, free-writing, throwing things onto a page. Literally spilling thoughts. It's one of my ways to help map out my brain and "take a load off" so to speak.
So with my adventure into the lifestyle in more of a sub's aspect of things. I'll admit I've learned a lot. Prior to this experience, I knew very little next to nothing on just how DEEP things can go. The different aspects, different dynamics, and how much more there is to these dynamics than what stereotypical media might have one believe.
(And no, I do not mean 50's shades of gray when I reference the media.)
With it, I've also realized I've grown and molded into something of my own. Like always, true to my little coined alias I use online.
I feel like a chimera.
A conglomerate mish-mash of different things. No one label really fits me; which is natural.
People aren't meant to be compartmentalized into boxes. No one label "fits" all.
It wasn't until a few months ago did I discover some new, darker, deeper portions of my own psyche and embraced them.
I've found with a DD/lg dynamic - I adore the tenderness that's there. The way one will take care of the other and vice versa. In my own ways, I too can fall into aspects of such. Be it my silliness, my love for soft stuffies/blankets, pillow forts, coloring/crafts, blowing bubbles, and more. Simpler, cuter activities that I often times quietly enjoy on my own. I do get bratty and playful, sometimes just childishly stamping my foot and saying "NO!" just for the sake of saying "no." to see what reactions I get.
With a Owner/pet or Master/pet dynamic - I'm still learning some things. But, I've found some of the things I just do subconsciously can be quite animalistic. (A prime example is for someone I really care about, I'm not afraid to rub my face on them, or give a subtle touch on their arm, or press against their side.) Which works well in such a dynamic. I actually enjoy the idea now of being placed into a cage for whatever reason; it's grown on me. Even dedicated bowls placed for me to use I enjoy (though, feeding me on the ground out of a doggie dish, I'm not interested in. That's a more humiliating aspect I dislike. )
Like the DD/lg dynamic. I adore the tenderness and sweetness that can be there. The way one takes care of another - and I often consider that stability there, the dependability is especially appealing. Which is odd to me because truthfully? I did have a happy childhood. Granted, there's a few bumps in that road - but overall it was a good childhood.
And thanks to my Dom, I have found I enjoy impact play. So much so I actually dreamed about it the other day when I was resting since I wasn't feeling well. I actually felt my muscles relax when I dreamed about receiving a beating... I wouldn't necessarily say a "painslut" for such. But, the fact I dreamed about getting hit with floggers and such while chained to a post mildly surprised me. I dunno, developing masochist a little bit? The thought of getting hit with a flogger and such doesn't turn me on like it would some others. I ease into it and flow into the sensations as they happen, and grow into them. So hence why I'm skeptical of even considering such a title.
I enjoy some primal aspects too. Like struggling, being difficult. Growling, snarling, biting, etc. Essentially making someone 'win' the right to 'mate'. Though, my Dom hasn't overly touched into this really. I have experienced it in my past, and can be a lot of fun I've thoroughly enjoyed it.
I know there's a few other things I've dabbled in, that I'm just not remembering right now since I'm coming out of a migraine.
It's a strange winding road. One of which I'm extremely curious about, and eager to learn more. What about others?
Do you all find yourselves blurring lines and falling into multiple things, or pulling traits of other types of dynamics with you as your own?
What about Doms too? Not just subs. Do they find themselves in those crossroads too? More than one 'label' apply?
In the end... I know it boils down to we all just want to find someone else we connect with, or just looking to have fun.
So long as they're safe, sane, and consensual. Why not?
