For some reason, I'm having issues falling back asleep. I passed out after my Dom and I had a little bit of a 'play' session, and now, I'm having trouble finding sleep again. She's such an elusive creature...
I know he's asleep right now. I'm hoping he gets all the rest he needs for his workday later today.
On my mind, is the thought of punishment. No; I haven't done anything to warrant any punishments. Thank Gods. A friend of mine I was hanging out with earlier tonight was talking to me and joking about how I like punishments, and that's all part of the fun of my dynamic, right? That she'll tell on me to my Dominant to get me into trouble.
Absolutely wrong.
Firstly, there is no "Funishments" within in our dynamic. My Dominant doesn't provoke me, or set me up to fail/mess up in the hopes I get in trouble so he can "Punish" me.
((I get this works for some dynamics, when a sub acts up to get her Dom's attention; or the Dom enjoys punishing his sub in a more playful manner this way- etc. Personally, I do not agree with this; but your kink is not my kink, and what works for my dynamic might not work for yours and vice-versa.))
Personally, I've been through enough and raised up to where, if I'm being punished. It's not fun, you made a mistake, or fuck up and you're going to learn from it. Punishing me for the sake of playfulness would just hurt, and leave me feeling resentful. It would just brood animosity towards my Dominant.
My Dominant has a similar mindset to a degree. Punishments aren't fun. They're not meant to be. I'm thankful my Dominant is reasonable and logical enough to administer punishments to me when I genuinely deserve them, or the severity of said punishments to fit the "crime" so to speak.
Punishment for me is just that. A punishment. It's not enjoyable, in fact I detest them. I work to avoid them.
Primarily because if I make a mistake? I let my Dominant down. Depending on what I've done wrong, I could have disappointed him. And that hurts so much more than someone just being angry with you.
"I'm not angry... I'm just really disappointed in you..." Ouffff.... That stings. Especially coming from someone who guides me and means a lot to me.
For some subs, they get spankings. Which can be fun, kinda hot. I've been warned if I do something that warrants it. I'll be kneeling on uncooked rice while holding a penny to the wall with my nose. Each time penny drops? My time starts over. (This sounds hilarious, I guarantee you it's not.)
This is not a complaint, this is an example of what I mean when I say I don't like punishments.
If I make a mistake, or an error. Chances are, it goes in hand with something important that my Dom needs. A prime example? Is my private Diary posts.
My Dominant has assigned me to write a diary entry every single night before 10pm. My diary is my safe-space. If I have something in my mind I don't feel comfortable saying to him directly, my diary is a place I can express those feelings without reprimand. This is a tool he uses not only to see how my day went, but to observe my mental state, see what's going on in my mind, and keep our channels of communication open.If I don't post my Diary, or if I'm late on it. Then my Dominant is missing an important tool to observe my health and well-being. Thus, making him unable to do his part as my Dominant. In a long round-about way, it hurts myself.
Last time I was late on my diary post, my Dominant had me write lines on a sheet of paper. Front and back. My wrist hurt, my fingers cramped. But, by the Gods, I did it. I grueled through it; and you know what?
Since then. I haven't been late on my damn diary post.
To further my example of my Dom being reasonable in his administering of punishments. A few days ago, I was fighting a massive migraine. I fell asleep in the early evening and woke up around 11:30pm.
My diary had not been posted.
I had expressed to my Dom earlier that day that I wasn't feeling well, I was in bed. He understood I didn't post my Diary because I was sick, and unable to do so.
I was scared I would be punished, and I was upset with myself for letting him down. I immediately informed him I was awake again, apologized for the lack of diary update, updated my diary, then tentatively; I told him I'd accept whatever punishment he'd give me for being tardy on my diary post. He said me knowing he was disappointed in me not being on time was enough of a punishment.It still hurt, but he knew I was sick. He took that into consideration. He understood and wasn't unreasonable about it.
It's key factors like this that make me happy to submit myself to him. It's exactly what I was hoping to find. Yes, I am his. For the most part (We're still slowly working on the power exchange.) he owns me. And yet, he still remembers that I'm a person. A living, breathing person. Sometimes I'm going to be sick, or unable to do something. And granted, as long as I communicate to him, he'll know and understand.
Ultimately. One thing I adore. Is if I do something to warrant a punishment. My Dominant administers my punishment, I do the punishment, and then every time? He tells me he forgives me. (Usually after I apologize again.), then we move on. It's not brought up again. He doesn't hold it over my head, or remind me of it... I'm thankful for this.
Guh- gushing and rambling. I think it's time to crawl back to bed.
But yes. I don't like punishments...
I'm extending a branch/topic of conversation to others.
- Do you get "funishments" in your dynamic?
- How do those occur?
- Do you get punished too if you misbehave? How severe do they get?
- Do you enjoy your punishments if/when you receive them? Hate them?
- Do you like giving your punishments to your sub?
- How severe do you make your punishments?
- HOW do you punish your sub if they misbehave?
- Do you forgive and forget after, or remind them later as a training tool?
Fill me in~
(If that's not too personal of questions.)
Also yes, I'm reusing old art. Too tired to draw more, plus I don't have time. I gotta crawl back to bed.
